I am surrounded by idiots

I don't think I'm that smart. I think I'm just smart enough to be aware of the fact that I'm not as bright as I'd like to be. Some people - MANY people - don't know they aren't very bright. Have they EVER even thought about it. Life must be good... just going along, day to day, not wishing for more. Not thinking they suck for being so lame.

They never think about the person behind them when they're driving 30 in a 40.

They never wonder what the person is thinking about the on the other end of the phone when they call for the FIFTIETH time in a day with ANOTHER stupid waste of time question at work.

I could come up with at least 10 acts of idiocy I witnessed today. I'm not meaning to judge. I do stupid shit sometimes. I left my keys in the ignition at the zoo Saturday. I'll admit it. The people I'm talking about are walking around like idiots doing idiot things saying idiot things and driving their idiot selves around while they risk our lives in their minivans all the frickin time.

Toledo Zoo

The trip to the Toledo Zoo was successful. The photo opportunities were not as great a at the Detroit Zoo, so I will judge the Detroit Zoo a better zoo. Well, come on, give us something! The polar bears were pretty frickin happy in Toledo. I have some footage of it and will blog a clip one of these days when I learn how. Here are my pics from the zoo:

Tell me what you think

All I did was drive to CVS for some cold medicine and FUCK! I forgot the tissues. Anyway, I encountered so many frickin IDIOTS that I came up with a plan. Feel free to add:

Every legal citizen of the United Stated, carrying a valid drivers license and who has a perfect driving record for the past five years should be allowed to carry a gun - a paint gun. Whenever you see an idiot doings something idiotic on the road that directly effects you, like not turning left on a green fucking turn arrow, you should be allowed to shoot them once. With permanent paint. OK, so then what? Well I figure after a car has say 10 spots on their car we should be allowed to shoot them with a real gun with a real bullet. Thin the heard. I mean really. Breeding of idiots is getting out of hand. I drove a mile to CVS and could have shot 5 people. Pay a fucking tention people.

And then there's CVS. Do you know the lady (idiot) wouldn't start scanning my stuff till I gave her my CVS card? I told her I had one somewhere and to go ahead while I find it and she stood there. I said can't you ring me up before I give you my card? She said NO. Come the fuck on. And then I had to wait for a long line of coupons. She said OOH, you've got coupons and then handed me a 6 foot receipt. If this frickin CVS card is so dang important why doesn't it have the coupons on it? Who's running the show there? IDIOTS. So, maybe we need to mark these people too. A big black sharpie. She would have had a big X on her forehead by the end of our transaction.

I'm really pretty level headed. I swear.

It's just
driving
with the idiots
gets to me.

Couple a things

OK, first - thanks Joe C - this was the first one I came across that I had to post. Second - how can I fix the overlapping going on in my blog? This will probably get covered up too. Blah!


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Red Meat

From
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/

I first caught Red Meat in the Kansas City Star, when I was in college in KC, MO back in 1990. I am especially fond of Milkman Dan and Karen. This the only online comic I ocassionally check out, as it feeds my twisted sense of humor, and I thought I would share it with those who like comics online.

Tired

I am so tired of feeling like crap in some sort of way all of the time. I am trying to get a handle on my weight again. So far so good. I think that must be the root of all of my problems.

I have a stinkin head cold now. I don't want to be that sick person. I don't want to be that person who ALWAYS has something wrong with them. I don't want to have friends who think oh here she goes again, what's wrong with her now. What worries me most is being that person to my boyfriend. My healthy boyfriend. I don't want to talk about my body... but my face is packed with snot! I feel like shit! My belly hurts from cramps! My neck still hurts! Dangit.

Who gets a cold in summer anyway?

Okay, well... If I don't want to be that person I have to stop being that person, right? I will SHUT THE FUCK UP, eh? I will continue my weight loss regime, which consists of me eating diet meals and taking a pill that will make me shit my pants of I eat more than 15 grams of fat at a sitting. It's working pretty well, as I'm pretty opposed to shitting my pants.

I will look in to yoga, Cassie, I really will. I know it would be very beneficial. It just costs money and takes time - so I gotta make it work somehow. I will be cheery. I will be a GO GETTER. I will... I will... I will... ugh my face really hurts.

Mark

So, Saturday night we had a casual blog discussion with a group of friends. I said the honeymoon phase of our relationship must be over, because Mark does not expound on his love for me anymore. He said he would still do that if I blogged more often, and not just youtube nostalgia videos.

I'm not sure if that means he's been holding back on his feeling for me, or maybe it means he doesn't have the same feelings for me because I don't blog often enough. My guess is that he pulled that reasoning out of his ass and has nothing to back it up with. After all, our relationship is not based on blogging at all, as far as I know.

I think that our relationship has moved to a level of comfort and he is no longer consumed by amazement that he loves me and I love him. As it should be, right? I too am comfortable in our relationship. But - I still like reading about me. I suppose he likes reading about himself too, tho when I did it before I think he felt like he was up on a pedestal, because I only wrote down his wonderful qualities, which made him uncomfortable because he is less than perfect.

Mark and I complement each other. I crave affection, he likes to be affectionate. He likes big butts, and he cannot lie... I got that going on, and I like tall and skinny. He is smart and capable and I know it and he needs to know it too, so I help him feel more confident, as he does for me too. We fit together well and how nice it is to be comfortable after only 5 months. Oh yeah... we BOTH like sex... woo hoo! He makes me want to be a better person, and I think I do the same for him.

So, there. I have blogged. I even blogged about him, tho he did not even imply that that was what he was looking for... but perhaps that was what he meant.

Look at this: He even carries my purse for me... now that's a man in love, who is secure in his masculinity!

Greatest American Hero

If Jesse, my brother, ever READ MY BLOG! then he would love this one. It was our favorite show back in the day.

B is for Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles

I am quite excited to have found this song. I sing it to Sadie often at bath time, tho I couldn't recall how the end of the song went. Now I have it! The only bummer is that I could not find the original Sesame Street version. I'll keep an eye out.

I'd like to buy the world a Coke

Two all beef patties...



DING fries are done:

I'm almost done

The crying indian commercial - priceless

Detroit Nastalgia

Joe C reminded me:

80's Detroit Zoo commercial


Faygo Remembers


Detroit Art Institute - I can't find the full version but this brings back some good memories:

Who Hankers for a Hunk a Cheese?

They must have pleayed this one a LOT. I remembered most of the words!

Manamana

So there were two versions. I recall the latter version, but I'm gonna post them both 'cause the original is cool too.

The Alligator King - Sesame Street

Ahhh... the good ol days.

A letter to my gramma

My fathers mother wrote me a letter:

OK, I wrote it out, but am going to delete it, because I suppose it is personal to her. I have no problem sharing my everything pretty much., but I don't know that she wold like me posting her heartfelt letter.

Basically she would like to attempt to bring my father and I back together.

Here is my response, which I can publish because it is mine. :)

I think the best way to respond to your request is to give you my point of view:
A few years ago my father gave me everything that he had related to me. Baby pictures, school pictures, and many letters from over the years. My guess of his reason of getting rid of these things was to rid himself of possessions? Maybe to live in the present? Either way I thought it was a bit odd, but ok.

I organized the letters by date and read them in order from oldest to newest. As I read those letters I began to see a pattern. In almost every letter I was reaching out to my father. I was trying to have a dad. I was begging for forgiveness sometimes about some little thing he criticized, such as my handwriting. Every letter was me reaching out and apologizing and begging and hoping to create some sort of father-daughter relationship.

I realized, now, as an adult, that I did everything I could to have a relationship with him. What did he do? Nothing. Did he reach out? Ever make himself vulnerable? No. Who was the adult?? ONE time he took me in. For a year. I believe he did it because he thought it was the best thing for me. That was the worst year of my life to date. I told him that a few years ago and told him I forgave him for it. I have forgiven him, but it doesn’t change the past.

So, after reading those letters I decided that I have tried long enough and hard enough. He had made it very clear to me that he has no interest in being my father and I am okay with that. I really am. I think it is sad and I suppose I feel a little sorry that I never had a daddy, but I have terrific uncles that love me and I can count on them. They are my father figures. They are not afraid of what I want from them. I don’t need Gary and I gotta tell you I was glad to realize that. I have no desire to get to know him better. He and I would not be friends in day to day life, so why try to get to know him? I have left it to him to reach out – which is why we have not spoken in years. It’s really becoming more entertaining to me than distressing at this point.

One time he said to me “what do you think I owe you?” I said “nothing” at the time, but you know I think as a parent, (willing or not) you do owe your child. Every parent is responsible for that life and responsible to raise that child to be the best person they can be. Every child deserves to be loved and nourished and made to feel safe. He is not a parent. I think he is lonely man who has reaped what he has sowed. I’m sorry gramma, but I don’t think he deserves my attention.

I had a hard childhood. Violence, and abuse, and neglect were common sometimes. I was poorly treated by my father, though perhaps better than my father was treated by his father. I saw horrible things and was in adrenalin inducing situations often before I lived with him. Now I am an adult and it is my choice to either learn from their mistakes or become a victim. I have chosen to be strong. I have dealt with my issues. I went to therapy. I put my daughter FIRST. I think twice about every decision I make for her. I am raising her to be the best person she can be. I really don’t think I can understand how someone cannot do that as a parent. I lost even more respect for him since I had Sadie. How could he ignore me, his only child?

Honestly, I do not wish him ill. He has his issues and I think he will always be self centered and lonely. There is nothing I can do about that. He has nothing to offer me as a father as it is too late, and he has given me no reason to like him as a person. Does he even care that he has a granddaughter? It boggles my mind, truly, that he can sit there and ignore his only granddaughter. I feel sorry for him. She is amazing.

Gramma, please do not worry about me and Gary. Well, go ahead and worry about him, as he is your son – hehe. I am happy with life, and strong. I love you. I know you are trying to help. Thank you.

Love Kim


I have not sent it yet. I think it is good and Mark said it was good. I don't want to hurt my gramma, but I gotta tell her how it is. Writing this was a bit cathartic too. I'm not surprised, but I am surprised. Anyway, I'll prob read it again in the morning and see if I still want to send it. I kinda want him to read it... should I put that in there?

Update: the letter was sent the next day. I spoke with gramma on the phone. The subject is dropped. She spoke with him and my understanding is that he is not willing to put himself out there to see me or his grandchild. I am not surprised. Drama over.

Response from the Detroit Zoo

I am not going to dwell on why Mark got a response and I didn't. He used my letter and just changed a few words to personalize it to him. I am satisfied with the response, tho it is still a sad situation.

Mark:

Thank you for your email and for sharing your concern for the animals at the Detroit Zoo. I appreciate that you’ve asked about the bear you witnessed pacing, and apologize for the delay in getting back to you.

Several of the bears at the Detroit Zoo (including one of the black bears and the Syrian brown bear who lives with the black bears) have been rescued from private owners or other captive conditions that were inadequate and which, unfortunately, caused them to develop some coping behaviors, like pacing. Once they develop these behaviors they will often exhibit them periodically throughout their lives, for reasons we can’t always perceive. The Detroit Zoo’s bear habitats were built in the late 1920’s and were originally constructed of concrete. We have added natural substrate, grasses, shrubs and trees to make them more complex and appropriate environments for bears. The Zoo’s environmental enrichment program is one of the most progressive and active programs in any zoo and the bears are a priority because of the stereotypical behaviors that some of the bears demonstrate. We have an aggressive and proactive enrichment program for the bears, which includes providing them with food they must forage to find (as they would in nature) toys and other objects they can manipulate and investigate and rotation of the groups of bears among the different habitats. Bears are intelligent animals adapted to live in large complex environments, and allowing them to move among the habitats on a random (not set) schedule allows them to experience a larger “home range”. All of these things will probably not keep the bears who have developed coping behaviors in their former facilities/conditions from falling back into them at times, but we constantly monitor the bears’ activities and conditions and modify the enrichment plans to respond and adapt to the bears’ conditions.

Environmental enrichment cannot take the place of a habitat with the space and complexity these intelligent animals need, which is why plans are in place to create expansive new habitats for bears as part of the master plans for the Detroit Zoo and Belle Isle Nature Zoo. The master plan for the Belle Isle Nature Zoo includes a new, much larger habitat for black bears. Our master plans are progressive and quite ambitious, and obviously can’t be implemented all at one time due to both costs and the logistical ability to renovate everything at one time. In the meantime we are focused on making sure that the animals living here get the absolute best care possible and live in habitats that are dynamic and enriched.

Thanks, again, for your email and your concern for animals,

Scott

D&D Online Alignment Test

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20001222b

I got the best one!

Your Character’s Alignment

Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Neutral Good.

Neutral Good: A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. The common phrase for neutral good is "true good." Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias toward or against order.

Cool green moss

Cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss. Sunset in the mountains sunrise in the mountains trees on the mountains animals on the mountains bubbling streams cool clear water cool clear water cool clear water.

I feel sick to my stomach and really stressed out.

Me crying pisses me off, so I'm not going to do that. Feeling pissed is not an emotion I want to add to this.

Work sucks. I am under valued and under paid and right now I'm over worked.

And Mark needs to bring me some flowers or something, but it's supposed to be his idea. Hmf. Oh well.

Bipolar Spectrum Screening Questionnaire

These Are Your Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire Results

Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire

Results: the results of this psychological quiz are described below.


Total score of: 3 (0-15 Major/unipolar depression)

Individuals with total scores of 15 or less are most likely suffering from Major (unipolar) Depression. (Remember, this quiz assumes that you are 18 or over and have had at least one depression severe enough to have caused you distress and/or interfered with you functioning at home, work, school or in your interpersonal relationships.)

yeah yeah I know. But whats more depressing: being depressed for no reason or being really depressed because every sexual sensation in your body had been drugged in to a coma?

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Screening

http://psychcentral.com/ocdquiz.htm

You scored a total of 5

You have answered this self-report questionnaire in such a way as to suggest that you do not likely currently suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder. You should not take this as a diagnosis or recommendation for treatment in any way, though.

S C O R E S
If you scored...
12 & up OCD is likely
8 - 11 OCD is probable
0 - 7 OCD is unlikely

The Nerd Test

Some of these questions made me think of Marks friends... and Mark.

http://www.nerdtests.com/ft_nt2.php

Your Score Summary

For Science/Math:
72% scored higher,4% scored the same, and 24% scored lower.

For Computers/Technology:
83% scored higher,3% scored the same, and 14% scored lower.

For Sci-Fi/Comic:
61% scored higher,6% scored the same, and 33% scored lower.


For History/Literature:
88% scored higher,4% scored the same, and 8% scored lower.

For Dumb/Dork/Awkwardness:
73% scored higher,11% scored the same, and 16% scored lower.

From this time forward, you'll hold the title:

Cool Non-Nerd
Carry it proudly!

ADD test results

Dr. Amen suggests: "More than 20 items with a score of three or more indicates a strong tendency toward ADD. Your total number of items with a score above three is 12.

Based on this calculation, you DO NOT HAVE a strong tendency toward ADD.

http://www.oneaddplace.com/add-test.php

Detroit Zoo Slideshow

Here are some pics from our July 6th, 2008 visit to the Detroit Zoo. In retrospect, I wish I has taken more pictures of US, Cassie, Carl, Malachai, Mark, Sadie, and myself, but I was concentrating on pics of the animals, thinking Kai would enjoy seeing the pics of the animals he saw during his visit. He is 2 and very smart and inquisitive. Sadie, on the other hand, has probably already forgotten our outing.

My letter to the Detroit Zoo

On Sunday, July 6th, 2008 I visited the Detroit Zoo for the first time. It was an enjoyable experience, except for the black bear exhibit. I was very upset by the repetitious pacing of one of the bears. I don't know the psychology behind the pacing, but I feel certain that that bear was disturbed. I want you to know that I had to turn away from that bear and hold back tears. My daughter did not know that there was anything wrong, but I think many of your adult guests feel as I do. Something should be done to help the bear. Either make it less miserable or send it somewhere where it can be happy, as it tainted what was otherwise a fine day with sadness.

I appreciate you taking my opinion in to consideration.

Kim Arnold



I would have taken more pics of this bear, but I seriously would have started crying. The other one was happily chewing on something in the shade. This one was on the edge of the exhibit, probably hoping every time it turned it would slip and fall in to the ditch they dug to keep him in.

Schizotypal Personality Questionnary (SPQ-A)

Schizotypal Personality Questionnary (SPQ-A)

http://themachine1.110mb.com/spq.html


Ideas of reference: 3 out of 9 (unsure: 1)
Excessive social anxiety: 7 out of 8 (unsure: 0)
Odd beliefs or magical thinking: 0 out of 7 (unsure: 0)
Unusual perceptual experiences: 1 out of 9 (unsure: 0)
Odd or eccentric behavior: 2.5 out of 7 (unsure: 1)
No close friends: 4 out of 9 (unsure: 0)
Odd speech : 3.5 out of 9 (unsure: 0)
Constricted affect: 4.5 out of 8 (unsure: 0)
Suspiciousness: 1 out of 8 (unsure: 0)

Total SPQ-A: 26.5 out of 74

Foiled again

I'm gonna find the procrastination quiz and see if I can ace it. I didn't get much work done today. I was very sleepy. I AM very sleepy.
I'll blog about why some other time. With some pics.

What does it say about me?

What does it say about me that I can't figure out what the hell this chart is trying to tell me about myself? I took this quiz:

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php


it said that I'm oh hell I closed it before I copied the info... 105 NT and 95 Aspie. It said something like I have traits of both, so I didn't get a label. :(

But... this chart. I think I get it... kinda.



A friend asked me if I had ANYTHING wrong with me, so I could consider getting disability and staying home with Sadie. I'm too damned normal for my own good! I'm gonna take a schitzo quiz next. I'll publish the results here.

Lesser of evil topics

My other topic is fresh and annoying, but I'll refrain for now.

My cuz had a bash for her son's high school graduation last Saturday. I went with Mark and we took Sadie after her nap until it was time for her to get ready for bed and then I intended on drinking to the point of not sober when we went back and succeeded.

I have to plan for this. That's something they don't tell you when you are thinking about having a kid - you have to work at getting drunk. You see, I can't stay out late because I have to get up early with the kid and doing so with a hangover really sucks. The last time I drank through sobriety was March 8th. The night I met Mark. I learned the best method was to show up, slam a bunch of shots, sip on a drink or 2 then slam water so I can be home at a decent time with no hangover. Oh, and eat a pb&j when I get home. It worked for me last Saturday at this party. I am way off topic here.

We left at a decent time... midnightish. Around 2am my brothers got in to it.

Jesse is a masochist (he probably does not know this).
Aaron just earned his green belt in Tai Kwan Do and apparently has some anger issues.
Jesse is 5'10" 140 lbs soaking wet.
Aaron is 6'3" 220 lbs.

I was very pissed when I learned that Aaron beat the shit out of Jesse.

Jesse lives in my house, in the basement apartment. I saw the damage and god dammit I was pissed. His ribs were bruised from arm pit to waist. His eye was black. He has bruises and scratched all over him. He was bleeding out of his right ear. His dead fathers wedding band was ripped off of his neck and his earrings were ripped out of his ears - all gone.

Aaron says he is not going to drink any more. This is not the first scene he caused. He gets drunk and all melodramatic. Jesse got in the way and wouldn't back off. He needs to back off the alcohol too. Stupid idiots. I'll kick Aaron's ass if he does this again. Kicking Jesse's ass would satisfy some fucked up need of his.

They BOTH need therapy.

Fuuuuhhhh... blah.

Remember how excited I was? Remember how I rolled in a pile of happiness about getting a new bedroom?

I ordered the furniture on Sunday afternoon. They told me they could have it at that location on Tuesday. I told them I could arrange a pick-up on Wednesday. I ran home and started a 3-4 day rush job to have the room cleared and painted before Wednesday after work. They called on Tuesday to tell me the bedroom set was in. Mom thanked them and told them we would be there tomorrow, Wednesday. I was up until after 1am working on the bedroom, but still had more work to do.

My excitement was carrying me through the hard work of painting 3 layers of three no four different paints over old dingy paint. I left work at noon Wednesday to finish the room, because I wanted everything to be PERFECT! Woo Hoo! A couple friends came over to help touch up and then I was done. Early even! I put the new sheets on the bed and Mark vacuumed. I washed the windows. It was almost time!!

I am sooo impatient, and I had to wait until 5pm for Maxx to come over with the truck. Maxx was held up 'till 5:30, and that 1/2 hour was torture lemme tell ya. Everything came together - I got Maxx, he had a truck, my brother was not working that night and was ready to go and I had Mark with me. We all jumped in 2 cars and went to pick up my furniture WOO HOO!

Fuckers closed their doors for the day for "inventory". Understand there were no cars in the parking lot. Maybe "inventory" was being done at the nearest fucking bar, I dunno. There was a hand written note one the door saying closed Wednesday. Will be open tomorrow. Tomorrow when nothing is going to come together. I wanted to throw a rock through their god damned window.

I was so pissed but I was also kinda crushed. I was sad. I was disappointed. I feel like I was set up. I had to go home and look at that empty room. I lost a 1/2 day of pay to do something I could have done that night. I felt like this always happens and I should never get excited. I know I should never get excited, because something always goes wrong. I was feeling sorry for myself and CRUSHED is a good word. All of my enthusiasm was gone. I don't get enthusiastic very often. And those assholes at TEC killed it in me.

I'm not trying to be a big baby. But I was so frickin happy! The let down hurt. I would have been happy staring in to space for the rest of the night and trying not to cry. Mark was there with me and attempted to cheer me up. I'm sure he said something that would probably make him feel better, like "at least you didn't get sprayed with bear piss", but I was still sad. Is that over the top? Am I supposed to ALWAYS take things in stride? I usually do, but then I usually go through my day without strong emotions, so whats there to be upset about?

Today Maxx was home, and his friend was with him and my brother didn't have to go to work until 5, so I grabbed an empty van from work picked everyone up and got the furniture. It looks nice. Big fucking deal. I think that SUCKS!! Why can't I feel enthusiastic again? I got the furniture! It's in my room. Everything is in it's place, except for the bedding, which is coming the 26th. I just wanna get it over with now. Bah. I have to get all of my stuff back in my room tonight. Maybe I will enjoy it. blah.