Krissyface, this is for you

And they said you couldn't get laid in the snugie!

Funny for the day

He hasn't been assassinated yet. Go Obama!
Have you noticed how his ratings have already taken a dive? How about waiting a little while to judge the performance of new guy?


see Sarah Palin pictures

Chuckle

It's like an apathetic panic attack

Ooh... I feel sick to my stomach, which isn't unusual, but but but Sadie vomited earlier tonight. She has never sicked up before, aside from spitting up as an infant. The last thing I ate was Swedish fish, so I could just need some real food. Oy.

I have an appointment tomorrow. Today. A baby appointment. Maybe if I throw up I will come out even on the scale again. Hmmm... might be worth it. Blech

I was woken up abruptly by a loud noise about an hour ago. My brain immediately dug up 20 things to stress over. Stuff like house repairs - my front steps are eroding. I can't sell the house with eroding stairs. I should not have salted the steps so heavily for the past 5 years. How does one replace concrete steps. How are they attached? Are they expensive? More important regarding repairs, I have a leak, well leaks in my basement, the worst of which is quite bad when it rains and runs in to my breaker box. Yeah.

Yeah.

I have reconnected with some people I met in college on facebook, and it sucks that they are still artists. Why did I even get in to it if my heart wasn't in to it. What is it that I am supposed to do? Doesn't everyone have a purpose in life? Something that makes their lives meaningful? Where's my ah-ha moment?

I settled on a packet of oatmeal. Eating when you feel sick sucks. Nothing sounds edible. And I don't even like the brown sugar flavor. I'm an apples and cinnamon girl.

SO I say it's like an apathetic panic attack because I wake up panicking about shit that I can control in my life but don't, and it's pretty bad and I can't stop it and I think maybe this is a panic attack, but there and no physical symptoms. Maybe it is still a panic attack, but I don't put a lot of heart in to much of the things I do in life, so maybe this is just my style of attack. Naw, it's just anxiety. I already feel a bit better, and have shoved back the worst of my worries for another night. Not really.

Sadie knows her colors already. Am I underestimating her? That's not normal, is it? She will be two in May. She has picked up the language beautifully. I am so proud. She is also fighting me on a lot. I am trying to keep from having a power struggle. She is showing her independence, and I am trying to ride the line between letting her become her own person and spoiling her. I think I'm doing pretty well.

I'm going to zome on the Brady Bunch for a few then try to sleep. I discovered my pelvis hurts the most after I lay down on the couch, so I can't fall asleep to the tv this pregnancy... oh my god. Little House on the Prarie is on.

buh bye.

Are you in the military?

I was checking out the traffic on this blog to see if anyone was coming here via googling porn like on Scooters blog, no :( , and see someone from a military post has been checking this blog out from time to time. Who is you? I'm curious. Actually I would love it is anyone who stumbled upon this blog would say hi - you suck, or whatever.

Thanks

25 Random Things

I'm not going to post rules or tag people. I did that on facebook. Here is what I wrote there:

1. I have been ignoring all the tags from this stupid 25 Random Things crap, but I swear 25 people have tagged me so fine.

2. So far, I have lived in 5 states and want to go south west next.

3. My first child was conceived at age 35 via donation.

4. I helped my cat give birth. Every time I tried to leave she'd follow me with a kitten hanging half out of her.

5. I found my first gray hair at age 21 along with my first wrinkle.

6. I am fascinated seeing the resemblances between children and their parents, but can't see the likeness between myself and my daughter.

7. I used to want to be a ballerina, gymnast, actress, archaeologist, beautician, glass blower, ceramicist. Pretty much in that order.

8. I like to play games - card, board, darts, puzzles, alone or in competition. I am highly competitive.

9. I have still not figured out the thing I am supposed to do when I grow up. I think about it a lot, but nothing seems right.

10. Every part of my body is over sensitive. For instance I don't like fans blowing on me because it tickles the tiny hairs on my body and drives me insane.

11. I cannot get really really drunk. My stomach gives me the stop signal before that happens and I listen. I have never passed out.

12. I have never broken a bone on my body, not been hospitalized until having a baby.

13.I have done more drugs than just about everyone I know, but now have absolutely no interest in doing anything, nor do I even take prescription drugs. Except maybe X. That was pretty good.

14. My musical preferences are all over the place, but pretty much boil down to harmonizing voices. Harmonizing voices give me goosebumps every time.

15. I have a hard time remembering names. So much so that I still don't know the names of my daughters daycare teachers.

16. I have owned 13 vehicles so far. Most of them shit the bed on me.

17. I have been to 13 different schools. 9 by the 9th grade.

18. I dress for comfort most of the time, but would love to play dress up in fancy Victorian gowns every day.

19. I worked on a small organic vegetable farm for years, but rarely ate anything from the farm.

20. I collected 50 porcelain dolls over the years knowing that I liked them because I really wanted my own child. They are in storage now waiting to see if my daughter would like them.

21. I love yard sales and they have ruined my ability to buy retail. If it costs more than a quarter it's too expensive!

22. I do not have a favorite color nor a favorite number.

23. I use an old blanket for a pillow and have done so for a very long time. It is way more comfortable than a pillow. The one I use now is from my freshman year in the dorms at KCAI.

24. I can't decide if I want a girl or boy this time around. I always wanted twins - one of each, but that's not going to happen because this is IT.

25. Now I'm a little depressed. I had a hard time thinking of anything about myself that would be of interest and this is all I came up with. Oh well. I'm good at not dwelling.

The McGriddle

I have been eating breakfast out almost every day for the past 4 months. I switch between McDonalds, Dunkies, and The local diner. Today for the first time ever I decided to try the McGriddle. It kinda tasted good. It tasted good until about 1/2 way through then it was pretty gross till I stopped eating it about 3/4 through the sandwich. I feel pretty gross now.

The good news is that I am two pounds down from last week, where I had a four pound gain! That means that I have only gained 2 pounds in the past 4 months of pregnancy! And NO, I am so not starving myself. I am eating pretty much whatever I want while watching the fat and sodium to to a degree. I swelled up horribly with Sadie, and would like to avoid that, so I try to make sure the protein is high and the sodium is low, but I still eat crap like McGriddles sometimes.

I still haven;t told my bosses I'm pregnant. I was told to expect a Christmas bonus, and I know I won't get one if I'm pregnant. I want to be paid for my time off. Last time I was in the hospital for a week and took 3 weeks after to recover from the C-section and spend time with my girl. It sucks, but I will do the same this time and in exchange I want them to pay me for those 4 weeks. Hell, I actually covered a shift 2 days after I got home last time.

I was wide awake last night around 12:30 am freaking out about money. What will I do if they don't pay me for my time off? How will I afford daycare for 2 children when I can't afford it for the one? I am out $300 a month from losing my basement dweller and mom is tapped. I shouldn't worry. The worse that could happen is I can't pay my mortgage and I lose the house, right? I hate my stupid falling apart house anyway. I wouldn't mind another basement dweller, as long as they can reliably pay their rent on time and are quite and honest. It's a decent basement. Well, it will be once I replace the shower. All the parts are in my back yard.

My bedroom is a mess and that adds to my anxiety. I don't put clean clothes away and it's a mess, but resting is always the option I pick when I have free time.

I have to interview people now. We are probably one of the few companies hiring in Michigan right now.

Burlington Coat Factory

My email to their corporate office:

In the interest of keeping a business profitable in Michigan I would like to bring an important issue to your attention. I visited your Westland, MI store on Saturday January 17th with every intention of buying a coat, even if I didn't find one I really liked. I needed a new coat badly! I went to the section that was tagged with my size and found every size available from small to 3x. I do not have the time or patience to search through your thousands of coats to find the correct size and fit. I put down the hat and gloves I was going to purchase along with the coat and left disappointed. I will not shop there again and I doubt I am the only person who feels this way. Sincerely, Kim A

They responded with a form letter as expected - your opinion is important to us blah blah blah.

But then they actually sent me something I wasn't expecting. It's the response to my letter that the customer relations person sent to the store manager:

I'M DEEPLY SORRY THAT THE CUSTOMER FELT THIS WAY. WE WILL PULL A TEAM
TOGETHER TO RE-SIZE THE COATS UP TO COMPANY STANDARDS. IF SHE WOULD LIKE
TO RE-VISIT THE STORE WE WOULD GLADLY HELP HER WHEN SHE COMES IN.

ST 530

YOLANDA LEE
STORE MANAGER

Then the Customer relations chick said thank you and sent a copy to me. It's not much, but it wasn't just a form letter and that is something. They still fucked up the most important part - where's my coupon/gift card?? I'm still not going back, but I would have if they had sent me a gift card. I'm just going to order online or most likely I'll just see the rest of the winter out with my hoodie. The worst of the cold has to be over, right?

Another whining post

Turns out I'm losing my medical coverage from U of M. It was good while it lasted. It was awesome actually. They tossed my bills for a year and a half - like charity. Nice of them, Don't you think? My work offers some shitty plan now through the county. I have to pay monthly and the benefits are mediocre. I don't think I'm going to bother. If I get a brain tumor or something I'll quit work and get on the medicaid anyway. The pregnancy is already covered by medicaid. It still sucks to lose the charity coverage.

I couldn't listen to/watch the inauguration today. the WWW was swamped is my guess. I could watch 2 seconds then it would pause for 20 seconds. So frustrating.

I was told today that I need to keep an eye on Sadie's weight. I was really concerned when she was tiny, but I relaxed about her weight. Now I'm told to worry again. She was 99th percentile for everything at first, but now her height is 75th percentile, which makes her heavy for her height. She looks perfect to me, but I guess I'm wrong, tho when I said so are you saying she looks fat the dietitian said I didn't say that - just keep an eye on it. And then she told me to keep doing the same - not to even switch her to 2% milk yet. Okay then - I'll just keep an eye on it and watch her get fat?

You know, today has just kinda sucked, but everything else is just little crap. Traffic sucked, weather sucks, lunch sucked... whatever. Hard to say if I'm just being moody. I don't think it matters why, does it?

"they could pretent they're bad blacks"

So, nice houses are selling in Detroit for nothing or next to nothing. My mother just interrupted my musings on how to punish my asshole boyfriend to say that she wished she could buy one of those houses and I suggested we should buy a few blocks of Detroit and have safety in numbers. Then mom said that the good blacks would probably like to move in around our white neighborhood. I said oh yeah sure they could hide the whites from the gangstas. Then mom said we would be a little safer because they (good blacks) could pretend they're bad blacks.

Any suggestions on how to passive aggressively punish my boyfriend for waking me up 4 times? The 4th time he allowed Sadie to yell outside my door because "he was sleepy" even though he slept in and was supposed to be allowing me some sleep after waking me up 3 times. I need to get this aggression out some way. I wish I could shovel, but it really fucks my back up and it's hard to recover. God, I am so tired and angry.

Anyway, we like to have fun with inappropriate conversations from time to time.

That makes me think of my sweet neighbor Cindy. She is black, as is 90 percent of my neighborhood. One day she told me that she had to get out of this neighborhood because "it was getting too dark". I laughed my ass off! She was serious!

So, is anyone interested in buying a house next to us in Detroit? Black or white or whatever color of course, you just need to keep your house and lawn up. Gay would be fabulous, as I'm told they did a terrific job with San Francisco. You might want to bring a big dog or gun or something with you, though I don't think there would be that much trouble. I lived in the middle of cracktown Kansas City, and no one messed with us... I think they thought if we lived there we must be nuts and people don't like to mess with nuts.

Plans for Saturday night

So this donkey show I was just watching on the net got me thinking...

How much does it really hurt to get it in the ass if you were properly lubed up. I hear it is imperative that you are very turned on and that it can actually be enjoyable. Now I already have a hole that I like to use, so I'm thinking about my boyfriends hole.

If what I have read is true, then by stimulating his prostate he could have an incredible orgasm! Also, stimulating his prostate glands reduces his risk of prostate cancer. I would be doing him a favor if I were to ram his ass.

My boyfriend is not really amused by my occasional suggestions of strapping one on and riding him home and he usually has a slightly almost amused but fearful look on his face because he knows I might be serious.

The only issue here... I don't think I would get in to it. But who knows - don't knock it till you try it right? I just like to talk about it mostly because of my dear boyfriends facial expression when I mention it.

I'm going to cook this child if it doesn't warm up soon.

Oh how I dream of a long soak in a hot tub that is set just a couple degrees too hot. I dream of the sting that I feel in every pore of my body as I lower myself into the steaming bubbling water. I am one big goose bump lately and I long to be over heated so that when I exit the hot tub and step in to the cold winter air I will not even feel it. I want to be so warm when I get out I can see the steam rise off of my body as I put on my robe.

I'm told I would cook this baby and cause permanent damage if I were to enjoy a hot tub. I'm still thinking about it. I'm just sayin' is all. I'm fucking cold. My office is cold. My fingers and toes are really cold. I don't remember the last time winter felt this cold. And it's taking forever! I think spring should automatically start after we have had a total of 2 feet of snow. Or maybe I should just move south. When the market bounces back. Aaaahhhh ha ha ha ha ha.

Baby needs chocolate

I just wrote that title and hit enter - causing my blog to be published. I considered leaving the blog that way, but that would probably only amuse me. But then you're not going to be entertained by what follows anyway so to hell with you I'll do what I want.

I have a headache, but other than that I am having a decent day.

Here's the latest reason why: I got hit by the chocolate bug a minute ago and thought I was screwed, but I checked my stash drawer here at work and it has as many caramel kisses as I need to satisfy this child's craving. I say it is the baby's craving because sometimes I want chocolate, but I'm happy with a bite and usually only when my period is coming. Now I want some chocolate motherfucker and you had better not stand in my way of it or I'll kill you. My baby is apparently a selfish asshole.

Also: I have such a good child. I was reminded of that fact while watching my friends child. He is 3 and actually creeps me out a little. He hisses. He contorts his face and makes horrid noises for a really long time. He will just start jumping up and down and screaming with his contorted face and he does it for a really long time - it gets uncomfortable after a while. It's disturbing. Sadie was looking at him like he was nuts. She was telling him "no" when he crashed her toys around. I have a good, conscientious child with common sense. Thank goodness. I hope the bugger in my belly is as good... but I doubt it. No one is that lucky.

Plus: I am a minimalist when it comes to my house. Not that you can tell by looking around in my house, but what's a woman to do with so many people living in a 1000 sf house? Anyway, I wanted a nice armoire for my living room to tuck in the corner that would hide all of the electronics and movies and TV and clear some space in the tiny room. Instead I ended up with a ginormous entertainment center that took up half of the room. I hated that thing every day. I've been trolling craigslist for some time, but the few pieces that I liked were out of my price range. We found one selling for $250 at an estate sale on Saturday and bought it for 1/2 off on Sunday. I borrowed the $125 but it was worth it. It took us all day yesterday to get the living room rearranged and cable wires moved and blah blah blah, but Mark got everything wired perfectly the first time and I am PSYCHED!!! I'm like best-present-at-Christmas psyched. yay.

I'll be getting enough back from taxes to pay off my car and entertainment center with some left over to pad the bills. It's not a vacation, but I like to have my bills paid.

That's all for now. 5 caramel kisses later the headache is still there. Maybe a slurpee would help.

It's a good day

I have my car back. It's still a bit of a mystery, but I think it just really needed a major tune up. There's a story behind it, but it's boring.

I just got back from a few appointments. MY OB appointment took 5 minutes. Blood pressure good and baby's BPM were in the 150's. There was nothing else to discuss. I had an ultrasound of my gallbladder. It hurts worse than a baby ultrasound. I have no idea if they saw anything interesting. I had an appt with a financial guy for U of M. He has been putting me off since I found out I was pregnant and I finally got in to see him about getting coverage for the baby. Finally. Paperwork is done. There was something else good...

I got my results back from my NT screen - My chances of having a Downs Syndrome baby were like 1 in 126 or something and now it's 1 in 3000+ something or other and same goes for the trisomy 13 & 18.

Went to the Joe to watch the Red Wings last night. We were not disappointed. They scored 6 goals to their 1. Jesse, Mark, and Aaron all missed at least 1 goal each because they kept leaving to get more beer or pee or get food for their girls.

OH!!! Now I remember the good news! I haven't gained 1 pound so far with this pregnancy. I am 14 weeks today. I feel like I am always eating, but I think it only feels that way because I usually don't have an appetite. If only I could remember to take my dang prenatal I'd really be a good mommy.

Another car bites the dust?

*sigh*

It just wouldn't start this morning. It made a funny little noise and wouldn't start. Bill came over and tinkered around, but could only guess that maybe it was the timing belt. He said that like it was a really really bad thing. I have a call in to an unemployed ex mechanic who might work on it. I am so tired of car problems and simply haven't got the money to put in to one more frickin car. This one isn't even paid off yet. Was I too optimistic to think this might be the car that I keep for more than a year?

I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. It's the tires. Every car that I have lost, at least since moving to Michigan, died shortly after I gave it new tires. All of them swear to god. Motherfucker.

1st Trimester NT screen DONE!

Everything looks great at 12 weeks 4 days. They confirmed July 10th.

The first hour was spent with a genetic councellor. We discussed what the test was for andthe likelyhood of my eggs being bad at age 37.

The 2nd hour was looking at the baby. Heart rate was 162. They could or would not tell me the sex. I think it's a girl, but I thought I saw a lil something sticking up between the legs. The tech said there was nothing to see so I'll take her word on it. The Downs measurements were excellent and I feel pretty secure that this baby looks healthy. We will get the blood work results back in 10 days. I think that's it. I wish I knew the sex already. I hate saying "it" plus it's easier to only come up with one name. Bob Thomas or Juniper somethingorother for a girl is my current favorite.

The baby was picking it's nose as we watched. I swear!

Since I'm on the subject...

Sadie got a new potty seat for the bathroom. She grabbed her grammas reading glasses and picked up a magazine like she was a pro at chillin on the toilet. We're not pushing toilet training at 20 months - she likes doing it - something different I think. It's mostly a weekend event. There's no time for sitting on the potty for fun during the week.

Maybe next post will not involve bodily functions. Who am I kidding - I'm pregnant with a toddler - what in my life doesn't involve bodily functions?

Poo Poo in the bathtub!

Sadie was goofing around in the tub after the water was gone, got into a froggy position and as I said "don't poop in the tub!!!" she did, looked around and freaked out to see this brown log sitting right next to her. She screamed and scrambled to get away from it like it was going to get her. OMG I couldn't help but laugh as I tried to calm her down and showed her it was just her poop that goes in the potty.

Pee pee in the potty!

Sadie just went pee pee in her potty! She asks to sit on it now and then and she asked this morning so having nothing better to do I stripped her and set her down in the living room. I was SO not expecting there to be something in the potty when she stood up! I honestly don't know if she even was really aware that she did it at the time. I made a big deal of it but she seemed pretty unfazed. She is not yet 20 month old so I think it's most like coincidental that she peed, but I still got kinda choked up. Did you get choked up when your kid peed in the toilet for the first time, or is it my hormones?

A lot of whining - read at your own risk

I just have to say... waaaaaaaaaah.

That pretty much sums it up, so I'm not going to go in to details. I'm pregnant - that should tell you a lot if you've ever been involved in pregnancy.

Bleak Crap Shit Screwed Fuck-it

Spoke with my real estate agent today. The average home in my neighborhood is selling for $27,000. Can you fucking believe that?

"I hope you had a good weekend. I have done a quick CMA for you. Inkster right know is getting killed by the sale price. A lot of properties are selling but at a very low price. (Ave Price around $27,000). These are foreclosed or short sale properties for the most part."

I owe $70, 000 on my house. I want out of my house. I would have to sink a few thousand in to it if I wanted to sell it or rent it. I have a basement leak. Paint... carpet... minor repairs... I really don't know what to do but dump it. Maybe I can get a new house (for $30k) and then dump it, so I can still utilize my awesome credit.

I feel trapped by circumstances. I have a steady, full time, job. It doesn't pay as much as I'd like, but I'm not out of work like so many I know. I could certainly pay on a $30k mortgage with no problems! I want a house that's BIGGER. I NEED a house that's bigger. I want a house that's insulated. Energy efficient. With a garage. In a good neighborhood.

I was supposed to buy this "starter house" and then in 5 years sell it for a profit and move on to a bigger and better house. My 5 years were up December 10th but now I am trapped. I could maybe do a short sale, or renegotiate the mortgage if I fell on hard times. I could also get assistance and medical coverage if I fell on hard times. How FUCKED UP is our system that I can say that I would be better off if I was worse off??

I want out of my house and I want out NOW. *pouty lip*

Holy Obama!

This MAN is never going to live up to the expectations of the people who apparently think he's Jesus come back to save us. Look at the images that I am seeing everywhere lately below. It's creepy. I don't care if a picture was accidental - it looks like a halo and the media is running with it.
THIS ONE ESPECIALLY. IT'S EVERYWHERE.


JAYZUS!!! IN GRAYSCALE


HALO HALO HALO



NOT SO ACCIDENTAL ME THINKS



IF HE ACTUALLY GLOWED LIKE THIS... !


Obama is going to disappoint just about everybody. Except for the few who voted for McCain. You'll get to say "see, he's no massiah - McMcain would have pulled out of this economic pit of despair." Obama is going to try hard - but JESUS CHRIST people, he's not divine. He's a guy who can't quit his nicotine habit and probably picks his nose when no one is looking. Sheesh.

Fuck the POLICE

After making a small purchase at Home Depot in Dearborn Heights I crossed Michigan Avenue and headed westbound towards my home. Officer cocksucker pulled me over for crossing Michigan Avenue where I did. Apparently there is a sign on the median that says you cannot drive straight across to get in to the turn lane.
Are you familiar with this area? Do you think that there are more important/dangerous crimes committed? Ya THINK?
Fine though. I didn't see the sign. Thanks for the warning, but nooo.. the FINE WAS $100.00. One hundred fucking dollars. One hundred CHRISTMAS dollars. One hundred PAY A BILL dollars. I work full time and have to live in this shitty neighborhood and just cancelled my home phone and security monitoring because I do what I have to do and that cop just forced me to pay ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for crossing the crime ridden street at the wrong spot.
I am sick to my stomach about this and can't sleep so here I am purging.
That cop should be ashamed of himself. They should all be ashamed of themselves. He turned right around and headed back to his spot to catch another poor local crossing the street on the wrong day. Fuck the cops. Shaaaaaame on you. I hope you are alone and miserable and get syphilis from one of the whores you pick up 50 feet from where you pulled me over you piece of shit excuse for someone who is supposed to be protecting me. All you did today was make a killing off of nice people to make a buck. There's no money in fighting crime, is there, so you just take it from the citizens you are supposed to be looking out for. Happy fucking holidays to you bastard. I hate you and I hate this neighborhood.

"Protect and Serve" - HA! How was I protected or served today? The police are corrupt.


CORRUPTION:

1 a: impairment of integrity, virtue, or moral principle : depravity b: decay , decomposition c: inducement to wrong by improper or unlawful means (as bribery) d: a departure from the original or from what is pure or correct2archaic : an agency or influence that corrupts3chiefly dialect : pus

Virgins

Poor kid. Poor fucked up kid. I like how "sports nuts" are going to be judged by his god along withe "racists" and "mormons". There's a couple I can't read and it's driving me nuts. Top right - what kind of women? Oh, and watch out Cassie - you're on that list at least once!!!
Edit: rebellious women. Poor kid. How about F se religions?

Holiday Fun

Mom is ready to start putting up Christmas decorations. I think we should follow tradition and not start until Thanksgiving is over.

I can understand wanting to begin now though. It is a festive time of year, when everything sparkles. It makes the freezing air and sticky snow acceptable instead of miserable. If I had a bigger house I might be more excited, but seriously - where are we going to fit ONE MORE THING??

A friend is a real estate agent. She says people are just buying houses for nothing and abandoning their current house. My credit is awesome. How big of a hit would I take? Should I feel bad about even thinking about it? I don't think I would feel bad at all. I didn't get myself in this mess. All I did was buy a house because it was a "sure way" to make money. Now I owe more than it's worth and could get a MUCH better house in a MUCH better neighborhood for LESS THAN HALF of what I owe on my house. ReFUCKINGdiculous. My friend just sold a $160k house for $30k in a good neighborhood! What am I waiting for? I can buy a house now then it won't matter about my credit. Plus like I said my credit is awesome, so even if I lost 100 pts, it would still be pretty good.

I really think I might contact her. She says she's got 6 pages of good houses she could show me today. Could I get a loan? Only one way to find out. My house sucks.

Her suffering is over

Last night, this morning actually, when I got back in to bed around 5:30 I again began to think about gramma and my visit yesterday. I thought she could be taking her last breath now. I thought thank you for not scarring my birthday :). I thought, while I cried in bed, that if there is an afterlife and you can to please watch over my babies. I thought maybe she died and I was talking to her. She died some time this morning.

I am home today. I will be hormonally crying all day, so I would not get much done at work. I am going to pull out her old albums that I inherited many years ago and scan some pictures for the service.

no title

I got just back from visiting gramma. Her eyes were open and she was awake. I leaned over and said hi, gramma it's Kim. She can't see, and you still have to yell even though she has hearing aids. She didn't react, and I realized her hearing aid was missing. The poor woman is in darkness and deafness but can still feel like shit. I counldn't help but cry. Couldn't she still hear me and know that I was there holding her had and maybe draw some comfort? Did they think it was too much trouble to keep her hearing aids in? I called mom and she said she didn't know what was going on, but since she's usually out of it, why bother? I found it in a box, broken. I was going to put it in while I was there. She was awake and when I stroked her forehead she tried to look and tried to talk. I wanted to talk to her, and she was awake, but couldn't hear me. I checked her other ear and the hearing aid was in and I told her it was me and she tried to talk and all I could do was hold her hand and cry. I wish I knew what she was trying to say.

Insomnia!

I am sleepy in the morning, I am sleepy at work, I am sleepy in the evening with Sadie, and I am sleepy until I go to bed, around 10:30-11:00 pm. Lately, I am not so sleepy after after a few hours of sleep. I am wiiiiide awake! I hope this passes soon, but I fear that I'm in it for the long haul. It would be ok, if I didn't live with a house of people who would be pissed if I started vacuuming at 4 am. Oh well. As long as there's Little House On the Prairie on TV I'm good.

That's all I have to say about that

I have always approved the use of pot for medical reasons, but now it's personal. Gramma has cancer all through her body. For some reason this has not pained her as much as expected, but she has lost her appetite. Lack of food is not going to kill her, but it's going to make dying that much more miserable and eventually they'll put her on a feeding tube. Some THC is what she needs. If this proposal is passed it will be too late for her, but will help others. Maybe one of us one day.

If anyone can hook me up or comes across a special brownie let me know. I am past broke right now but I will get you back someday.

Here is what you will see on your ballot:

PROPOSAL 08-1 A LEGISLATIVE INITIATIVE TO PERMIT THE USE AND CULTIVATION OF MARIJUANA FOR SPECIFIED MEDICAL CONDITIONS

The proposed law would:

· Permit physician approved use of marijuana by registered patients with debilitating medical conditions including cancer, glaucoma, HIV, AIDS, hepatitis C, MS and other conditions as may be approved by the Department of Community Health.

· Permit registered individuals to grow limited amounts of marijuana for qualifying patients in an enclosed, locked facility.

· Require Department of Community Health to establish an identification card system for patients qualified to use marijuana and individuals qualified to grow marijuana.

· Permit registered and unregistered patients and primary caregivers to assert medical reasons for using marijuana as a defense to any prosecution involving marijuana.

Should this proposal be adopted? PLEASE VOTE YES - THIS IS A NO BRAINER

The waiting is the hardest part

I'm not exactly sure what to do now. Gramma has cancer all through her. I remember it was liver, kidney, blood, bone, stomach and I forget the rest or if there was more. The Dr. says she has a couple weeks maybe. So, what now?

I've never lost someone this close to me. I think my mom and uncles will handle arrangements. The only thing I can think to do is visit her. I plan to visit her for some time each day during work hours. She's just a couple miles away. But What if she's out of it? She was pretty spacey in the hospital and she will be doped up now, so... what am I supposed to do there? Sit with her dying body?

Gramma's death has been one of those things that I have thought about many times over the years. It was the only thought that could bring me to tears instantly - until I had a daughter.

I'm not exactly sure what losing her will mean to my life, or what the big deal is. She doesn't have a profound effect on my life. She has lived in a nursing home for a few years now. I visit when I can/want to, maybe once every week or two with Sadie. I think maybe why losing her is so hard is that she has always been there. Wherever she was was my home. I moved a million times, but the feeling of home was always with her. I lived in Florida during high school, but always came home to stay with her in Michigan.

On the upside my mother is turning in to her (hehe sorry ma), so she won't be entirely gone.