I need to move

I AM GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE SOON. With the help of my bosses, or not. I'll prob end up in an apartment if they don't help. I'm ok with that. It's better than living in the hood in a tiny little house that's not worth fixing up.

I want to live in a good neighborhood. Maybe a little back woods. It would nice to not have neighbors on top of us. Ideal location - on the water. Oh yeah baby. I would be the happiest person in the world.

I need a yard. A nice yard for my kids to play in. And a garage and a shed - lots of storage for my yard equipment and kids stuff. A pool would be nice, but the upkeep sucks - maybe one of those self inflating ones. Can I have a fenced in yard and still be on the water? It would be nice to send my kids out back and not have to be on top of them worrying about what they're touching.

I would like a sliding door at the back of the house that leads in to the fenced in yard. I might even get a dog if I had that! Oh, and a patio - partially shaded. Some place to sit in the nice weather with some friends and only have to worry about the mosquitoes. A wrap around front porch would be awesome.

Not near the frickin air port. Nor near the train tracks. I've paid my noise pollution dues.

I want a basement, and multiple floors, and central air conditioning, and energy efficient everything. I'm sick of sacrificing comfort for money and I'm still a broke ass mother. A modern kitchen would be nice with matching appliances and lots of counter space.

A place for everything. I like to have everything in it's place. I used to be organized. I don't even have enough drawer space for my clothes.

I would like a big living room. And a big bedroom. Big rooms all around! Oh god - and how about a decent sized bathroom?

I want out of this house.

Sleeeeep

Holding a sleeping baby is a stronger drug than any narcotic.









She is just so beautiful when she's sleeping!




Unfortunately, she looks like this more often than that!



Daddy has begun to swaddle her again. I forgot about swaddling, because it didn't seem necessary. Now she is colicky. Swaddling works wonders. Thank you jesus.

A few pics

Everybody needed a good laugh after watching me puke my guts out after the operation.



Sadie's first look at her sister. She loves her.


Good mommy keepin her girls happy - even Boo, the cat.


Mark is a good daddy!

Violet Grace

9 lbs 3 oz 20.5 inches.

more when I have 2 hands.

Why am I still working?

I keep hearing how the USA rocks and I believe it compared to a bunch of 3rd world countries, but right now what I know is a lot of countries would pay for their big old preggo residents to stay home during their last few weeks before delivery and then pay them to stay home for some time after they have the baby. My memory is a joke, so I cant tell you which is which, but I have a dutch friend, who told me all kinds of cool things about their maternity policies, and I've heard good things about Canada and France. I will be working until this kid busts out, and then back to work within a month. I can't afford to do anything else. I will try to bring her to work with me at first and I think my bosses will be okay with that.

Today I followed up on the kidney issue - Violet has some extra fluid on one of her kidneys, not too too much, but more than they like, so today, a month after they found that, I had another ultrasound. The fluid is still there and about the same quantity. They are still optimistic and say it will likely correct itself and for now they plan on giving her an ultrasound a week after she is born and possibly some antibiotics because she will be more prone to get a UTI. Fluid on the kidneys is a Down's Syndrome marker BTW.

They checked her size again. at 37 weeks (Friday) she should be around 6.5 lbs. She measured at 9 lbs 3 oz today. HA! I'm told she could possibly gain another 3 lbs in the next 3 weeks! HA! HA! It would be nice if my OB would cut her out a little sooner than July 7th.

Lately I've been feeling a little less annoyed. I've even been feeling pretty lucky to have Mark in my life. Not that I haven't always loved him, but damn everything was so frickin irritating for a while! He is really good to me and puts up with my shit day after day. He is a good dad to Sadie and does what he can to help me now that I am pretty much disabled.

I am looking forward to being able to be active. I wonder how I'll feel about that once my pelvis heals up. I hope I have the energy and willpower to help myself feel healthier.

I have gained 30 lbs so far - well 34 last visit but I was really swollen and I'm less so now, but okay lets say 34 lbs since I'm sure it will be up there by Friday. Anyway, That's pretty average and my OB is pleased with my weight and BP and all of that.

The Dr. at the ultrasound lab today gave me my first little lecture about eating better so the kid doesn't get bigger. She asked me if I was diabetic and I said no, my family just has big babies. She proceeded to tell me to avoid refined flour/sugar and you know, basically go on a diet for the next 3 weeks. LOL!!! What is that suppose to help? She's already big and will likely gain another 2 lbs whether I diet or not. My friend gained 70 lbs and had a 8.5 lb baby. I gained 30 (all water and baby - lost it all in 2 weeks) w Sadie and she was 10 lb 12 oz - nearly 11 lbs and a week early. If you don't want me feeding her any more cherry Slurpee's by all means cut her out today. Sadie was big all around and every part of her - head/length/weight was all around the 99th percentile. She's still in the 90's for everything, and wearing 3T clothes at 25 months - and she never drinks Slurpee's.

My thinking changed a bit yesterday. I've been thinking that this pregnancy will never end since October. Yesterday I really realized that I am at the end. Even if I have to wait another 3 weeks it's gonna be over soon and it could be over tonight for all I know. Time to pack the bag!

I can't wait to hold my baby.

Catch up time

I don't have much of interest to say, but I'll say it anyway.

I am 36 weeks pregnant this week. That's out of 40 weeks for those of you who are not familiar with the time line of making babies. My C-section was scheduled for July 3rd, which is 23 days from today. I was told last week that the date was moved up to July 7th, 3 days before the 40 week mark, because of the Independence Day holiday. Fuckers. So now I feel the need to control this pregnancy and make her come earlier. There are a lot of old wives tales...

• sex - sperm softens the cervix and fem orgasm releases some chemicals that help.
  
• driving on bumpy roads - my gramma told me that one - I said "is that what they used to call sex back in your day gramma?" She ignored me. lol
• Castor oil - my OB said this is the only remedy that he believes can work, aside from sex, but whether it works or not you're gonna shit your brains out and a most uncomfortable way. IDK if I can drink the stuff.
• Evening Primrose Oil - I've read a bit about it and a good friend said it worked for her. I have the gel caps and take one a day orally for now - I am not quite ready to have her yet. At week 38 I will insert them directly where I need them to work.
  
• Walking - I can't do this. I still need a car seat/stroller and a bassinet and can't yard sale because of the pain in my pelvis. I can't even make it around the grocery store without causing pain and misery.
• Spicy foods - dunno - something about some spices working chemically w your body, but also a couple bowls of spicy hot chili prob works like the Castor oil.

On the other hand - I should be enjoying this pregnancy. This will be the last, as I am getting my tubes tied while I'm already sliced open. 2 is plenty for someone who is almost 38. I should let her come when she is ready (or the 7th) so that I know she will be strong and healthy. I should appreciate the fact that she is healthy and stop thinking of myself and my pain - it's temporary.

I can't help but worry about her in there though. She has barely moved in the last few days and it's concerning me. She was moving so much it really hurt and now just a little bump or a couple hiccups and that's it. I listen to her heart on the doppler now just to relax for a couple hours before I start worrying again. If she was in my arms I would know she was OK. I know she has limited space and can't move as much as before, but it went from crazy movements to nothing.

I gained 30 pounds. sigh. Last time I gained 30 for the whole pregnancy, but most of it was water and it was all gone after 2 weeks. This time I'm hardly swollen. I actually look forward to being more active though. I can't even walk around the block right now. I am stuck sitting in my house while there is disorganization and things to DO all over the place. I can't stand how piled up my bedroom is. I can't stand how much CRAP is everywhere and in the strangest places. Mom works like a frickin slave around my house, thank god, but I want to do stuff myself and put stuff where it belongs, not just out of the high traffic areas.

I hate asking people to do things for me. I hate asking mom or Mark to get me something from the fridge. I used to be independent. I used to be strong. Now I am tired and weak and worry that everything I do will make the pain in my pelvis worse.

I go to physical therapy every week. It doesn't help as far as I can tell. I have seen a different therapist every visit and none of them know what to do with me. I tell them what to do now and what I won't do. They know how to help repair/strengthen the pelvis, but not on a very pregnant woman who can't lay on her back or stomach and cant lift her legs independently. One insisted I do some exercises on my back - drawing my legs up, and I bawled like a baby by the end of it because it hurt my lower back so much that I couldn't move. I told her twice it was a bad idea. That's when I decided they did NOT know best. Now I just encourage them to work on my lower back and they seem relieved to have something to do. Today I'm gonna talk them in to working on my neck - it's getting tight on one side and if it charlie horses up like it does sometimes I'll be extra miserable for a week until it relaxes.

I'm off to run a work errand and will stop across the street to let my asian friend wax my eyebrows. This is possibly the most painful thing I do to myself while pregnant. It hurts my skin so much I feel like blood should be gushing out when she's done. I could pluck, but that hurts too and takes a lot longer. I must be brave.

Oh, LET'S GO RED WINGS!!!

Miss Violet

First of all let's discuss her middle name. There have been no epiphanies, and Mark and I disagree. He would like to see Violet Marie, or Violet Louise I like Violet Skye. Look, there's a good chance she's going to be an "interesting" person - and I think the name will fit. Skye is different for me as I like more traditional names, but I just like the way it sounds. I refuse to give her a common boring name like Marie (how Spanish is that anyway?!) or Ann, or Lynn... Grace is okay. Anyone got my back here? Convince Mark for me - he thinks it sounds too "fake hippy". I feel like we both have to agree... on what I like! :P

Today I am 32 weeks, 5 days pregnant. We had an ultrasound this morning. The tech was cool, and the waiting room was empty, so we had a great session, including 3D!!!!! I always ask and they always say no. He decided to do it before I asked. Here she is:


She should weigh around 4 lbs, but was estimated to be close to 6 lbs - over the 97th percentile, just like Sadie. Sadie was 10 lbs 12 oz and even induced a little early. She is head down now, as suspected, because I swear I felt her turn this weekend. She was sideways on Sunday. Everything looked great on her, except for some minor fluid on one of her kidneys. I really don;t know what they were talking about, but I know that the average measurement is 7, she is 9 on one, but it's not a red flag until it reaches 11. They said they see it every day, and more often than not it's a non issue. We get to see out girl on June 17th to look at it again. I have had so many ultrasounds this pregnancy!

I love watching her move. Doesn't she already look like a plump perfect little baby? I swear she already looks like Sadie too. It would be nice if the girls resembled each other despite having different fathers. My 2 brothers and I all look like our 3 different fathers and that's kind of lame.

Anything else? Due date is July 10th, C-section is scheduled for July 3rd, first appointment of the day. I would love to go in to labor before that, but we'll see. Just a week before. I'm going to try the old wives tales options. Lots of sex and spicy food. I can't walk her out because my pelvis is causing me considerable pain. I am officially uncomfortable most of the time now, even when sleeping. I am actually in considerable pain when I move my pelvis, as it is too loose and grinds on itself. Mark pushed me to my appt. in a wheel chair this morning. There is no way I could have walked the mile to the U/S place from the parking garage. I can't handle grocery shopping anymore. I got a temporary handicap permit for my car and I'll be damned if I can ever find an open handicapped spot! How did it happen? Seems like I used to see tons open and I would think what a waste of space - when are there going to be 30 people in wheelchairs in Target at the same time?? Fooled me.

Time for me to wish I could nap at work.

another pity party

I don't really want to talk to anyone about my mood. I don't know how much of my emotions are effected by hormones and how much of my life is making me just this miserable. Did I mention I needed a vacation??

Sadie does not like her newest daycare teacher. For the first time in over a year I saw her at the door crying - anguished - pulling away from the teacher and crying mommy mommy mommy...
I sat there for a minute and then left. It really broke my heart to leave her like that, but that's what I felt was right. If I went to her then she would do it every day. If she still does it every day then I will tell the center and take her somewhere else. She should love her daycare and her teachers. She should be sad to leave at the end of the day. I called the center a little later, after my own sobbing subsided, to ask her what Sadie was crying about and she said "mommy". She said she stopped after I left. I don't like her either. She's not affectionate or maternal and I don't know that I've ever seen her smile.

What the hell... I'm a mess.

Why are we here?

Plastic... Assholes.

This is one of my favorite Carlin performances. Happy Earth Day!

I killed someone last night - well... this morning.

I have only had my car stolen 1 time. Considering how many cars I have owned, that is pretty good! I keep dreaming about my car being stolen. What is interesting to me is that dream me is keeping a tally of how many dream cars have been stolen.

Often I will head out to the parking lot of wherever I was dreaming I was at - like school or a concert, and try to remember when I left my car and finally realize that it was stolen which REALLY upsets me because I JUST had do deal with this with my last car! I usually throw this huge fit, stomp around, scream and cry at the top of my lungs, and call the police. As usual it is very difficult to call the police, because I can never dial correctly in my dreams.

So, this morning another car was stolen. I couldn't even remember which car I was using at this time because my last car was stolen just last week and I simply can't keep track of what car I was driving before it was stolen, but regardless... it was gone. I pitch my fit, realize that this time I know who stole the car because the police are already there and they tell me and of course can't do anything about it so I decided to end this shit once and for all.

My dreams have become quite predictable.

I hunt this guy down in this big house which is built like a maze (as usual in my dreams) and finally corner him in a small room and I think I actually dodged some bullets but anyway I get him on the floor and I'm on top of him and I decide to strangle him to death to stop the madness of car thieving.

This was a very premeditated kind of murder. I was not really angry at this point - just determined. Normally my rage would make me want to slam someones head into the concrete floor until my animal rage was satisfied but this time I was just trying to figure out how to strangle the guy most efficiently. He looked like the DEA guy from Breaking Bad. Anyway, I kept trying different holds on his neck until I finally succeeded, by putting all of my weight on my fists which were on either side of his windpipe.

What I mean by predictable is that it's like there are always interior structures that are built like mazes. I am always finding little treasures here and there. My frickin car keeps getting stolen. War invasions. Tornado's. The number dialing thing. Blindness. Anyway I think it's kind of sad that there's nothing new going on - my dreams have become as predictable and boring as my life.

I still need a vacation BTW.

Funny - or maybe it will be after I get some sleep

Luck is funny. ha. frickin' HA!

I go to start my car last night at midnight so I can rush my 23 month old daughter to the ER, and the damned car wouldn't start. I talked Mark in to staying at his moms last night, so I ended up pushing my car out of the driveway and parking it on the street so that we could access my moms van.

Sadie is fine, she just had a high temperature and everything that goes along with it... the shakes, twitching, lethargy, pain,vomiting. They say she has a middle ear infection. I think it's more than that as she was really congested, but she got antibiotics, so I'm good w that. She was her usual self this morning and is at daycare.

I was hoping I was just too low on gas, but more gas did not fix the problem. The driver said it sounded like the timing belt. Whoopee! It is at a friends house and I hope it can be fixed soon and for not a lot of money.

I am using my moms van, but I hate it and want my lil car back asap. My pelvis has become very painful all of the time due to SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction).

"Any activity that involves lifting one leg at a time or parting the legs tends to be particularly painful. Lifting the leg to put on clothes, getting out of a car, bending over, sitting down or getting up, walking up stairs, standing on one leg, lifting heavy objects, and walking in general tend to be difficult at times. Many women report that moving or turning over in bed is especially excruciating."

I had it with Sadie. It sucks. Only 3 months to go!

I need some ideas

I need to get away for a weekend sans child. I want to go somewhere that will not cost too much, where I don't have to clean up after myself, and I can sleep whenever I want. I would also like to have some fun. Maybe a little casino action, or a water slide or something to make the weekend feel like a full 48 hours, instead of 6. Someplace within say... 2 hours drive. Canada, Ohio, Michigan... whatever. Does such a place exist? Money is what is really holding me back - like, there's Zehnder's in Frankenmuth, but that costs $540 for 2 nights. Re-fucking-diculous.

Oh well. It's not going to happen - I'll get over it.

Did everyone have a drink for me?

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Cha Cha Cha Chia and Dreams

"Happy Obama"


















"Determined Obama"


















How can you expect me to choose between the two?

I had a few weird dreams last night:
I was at a banquet and was looking for dessert, but only saw this one lame kind - maybe cheap cookies or something but grabbed one because baby has a sweet tooth. As people start filtering in to this hall and people I know surround me I see that there is now a plethora of sweets and I am insane with wanting to try all of them. I sat up there, on an elevated table near my father, trying to figure out how my fat ass it going to be cool about gorging on sweets, when it is obvious I don't need sweets. The dream was really just one intense craving with my father thrown in for the WTF factor. He shows up more often than I like in my dreams. Always weird, rarely speaks, and usually judging me.

The other dream I remember because I think I woke up crying. I have never woken up and cried from a dream. I have done my share of sobbing in my dreams, but it never carried over before. Mark was spooning me and I started to feel pain in my lower lower back and tried to tell him but he kept clinging to me and I realized the pain was him sinking his teeth in to my ass and I was starting to cry in pain hoping he would stop but he hung on no matter how hard I buckled and cried. I woke up and still felt the pain a bit and it took a minute to realize it was a dream and choked back some tears. Now, before you go analyzing this and feeling bad for our relationship you should know that before we fell asleep he tried to spoon me and I had to remind him that I can't sleep that way right now. I feel bad, but while pregnant this time I just don't feel comfortable being touched a lot. It was probably like that w Sadie too, but I was single and it never came up. Oh, and the pain was likely my sciatica.

This song always catches my attention when I hear it play on the radio. Mark is so sweet sometimes and it reminds me of him.

I remembered to look it up when I got home and found the above video. I played it in my living room and Sadie joined me at the computer and we rocked and swayed and she started singing oooooohhhhhhh looove yooou in a whisper. She doesn't sing along to songs as far as I know and it was really sweet. When it was over she said again! so I played it again and we sang it again and again and sometimes she rested her head on my chest and for a while we were silly and sang oooooohhhh I love you as our foreheads touched. She really is so cool.

My fat ass

I am having an illogical day. Stupid hormones do that to me sometimes. I just got back from the OB and he said everything looked great. I will get another ultrasound at 32 weeks to determine where my placenta is, since it may be in the way of delivery, but I've already decided I'm having a repeat c-section, so I'm not concerned. My blood pressure seems a little better than usual - 110/60. normally its 120/70. Weird considering there's more stress on my body right now.

So he says "everything looks great, your blood pressure is good, you're weight is good..." meanwhile I have wanted to cry since I was weighed. I know it's stupid. I'm supposed to gain weight. 10 pounds at 21 weeks is on track. This is what I would tell any pregnant friend who gained weight whole pregnant - you're supposed to gain weight stupid - you'd be a bad mom if you went on a frickin diet.

But... I'm already so fat. I was at the highest weight of my life when I got pregnant and there's nothing I can do to stop this right now. I am embarrassed to say it, but this pregnancy is going to put me over 300 pounds. That's what is really getting to me. I can't be that fat. It is so humiliating to be that fat. That number is so bad I can't even make fun of it.

I'm going to start smoking again. This kid is too big anyway.

Hey!!! Guess what!

I have nothing to say.


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The big day

Today was the big ultrasound. The baby is healthy, and looks normal, except she is in the 96th percentile. Yep - I said SHE. Sadie is going to have a little sister to push around. Sadie was also big - 10 pounds 12 ounces, a little early, and no - I didn't have gestational diabetes.

Since this one is also most likely going to be big I will opt for the repeat c-section. It was an emergency with Sadie, and while I have the option of trying for a vbac, I'm not crazy. Sadie was the talk of the birthing center when I had her. She looked like a 3 month old sumo wrestler. I forget how big her head was, but it was bigger than I want my vagina to be.

We didn't get any great pics, but here's the best of them:

Spine and head


Parasitic alien



Bottom of foot

Can't sleep

I can't sleep because something is on my mind. And maybe the T3's I took are keeping me awake instead of putting me to sleep.

First of all I want to say that I don't quite understand why I care about what people think of me, yet I also don't care what people think of me. I kept going over it and over it as I lay in bed. I am confident in my self as a good person, so when people judge me negatively I say fuck them if they can't take a joke. No one is perfect and we are all a little annoying, but I'm good and if you think otherwise fuck you. But still... I want to be liked.

My boyfriends friends think I am a domineering bitch. They don't know me well and as far as I know are only basing this on the fact that he doesn't hang with them on karaoke night any more at the bar. He has class that night ever week and no, I did not help him chose his schedule. He has gone to everything he was invited to except for one party which he wasn't feeling up to.

I have never said you can't see this person, or you can't go to that party. If anything I push him to go have fun. I trust him fully. Stay the night if he wants to drink and go crazy is what I say. We used to leave the karaoke bar around 11pm, because I had to get up early the next day. He could have driven separately, but likes to go to bed with me. Sorry guy pals. On the weekends we always had to leave the partys early because he had to get up early. My friends still talk to him.

I don't want to get in depth about our relationship dynamics for the sake of his privacy. It may be obvious by now that I don't consider a whole lot of my personal life too private to share. I'll just say that we play the same roles that play out in every relationship, and it works for us for the most part.

So, I'm ok and he's ok but I still feel the need to explain myself to these people and make them realize that they have made a mistake and they should like me. It bothers me that it bothers me. And on top of that I don't know that I can like them, now that they judged me so quickly.

Get your yucks on!

Mark Says he saw this before. I had not. Have you?

Krissyface, this is for you

And they said you couldn't get laid in the snugie!

Funny for the day

He hasn't been assassinated yet. Go Obama!
Have you noticed how his ratings have already taken a dive? How about waiting a little while to judge the performance of new guy?


see Sarah Palin pictures

Chuckle

It's like an apathetic panic attack

Ooh... I feel sick to my stomach, which isn't unusual, but but but Sadie vomited earlier tonight. She has never sicked up before, aside from spitting up as an infant. The last thing I ate was Swedish fish, so I could just need some real food. Oy.

I have an appointment tomorrow. Today. A baby appointment. Maybe if I throw up I will come out even on the scale again. Hmmm... might be worth it. Blech

I was woken up abruptly by a loud noise about an hour ago. My brain immediately dug up 20 things to stress over. Stuff like house repairs - my front steps are eroding. I can't sell the house with eroding stairs. I should not have salted the steps so heavily for the past 5 years. How does one replace concrete steps. How are they attached? Are they expensive? More important regarding repairs, I have a leak, well leaks in my basement, the worst of which is quite bad when it rains and runs in to my breaker box. Yeah.

Yeah.

I have reconnected with some people I met in college on facebook, and it sucks that they are still artists. Why did I even get in to it if my heart wasn't in to it. What is it that I am supposed to do? Doesn't everyone have a purpose in life? Something that makes their lives meaningful? Where's my ah-ha moment?

I settled on a packet of oatmeal. Eating when you feel sick sucks. Nothing sounds edible. And I don't even like the brown sugar flavor. I'm an apples and cinnamon girl.

SO I say it's like an apathetic panic attack because I wake up panicking about shit that I can control in my life but don't, and it's pretty bad and I can't stop it and I think maybe this is a panic attack, but there and no physical symptoms. Maybe it is still a panic attack, but I don't put a lot of heart in to much of the things I do in life, so maybe this is just my style of attack. Naw, it's just anxiety. I already feel a bit better, and have shoved back the worst of my worries for another night. Not really.

Sadie knows her colors already. Am I underestimating her? That's not normal, is it? She will be two in May. She has picked up the language beautifully. I am so proud. She is also fighting me on a lot. I am trying to keep from having a power struggle. She is showing her independence, and I am trying to ride the line between letting her become her own person and spoiling her. I think I'm doing pretty well.

I'm going to zome on the Brady Bunch for a few then try to sleep. I discovered my pelvis hurts the most after I lay down on the couch, so I can't fall asleep to the tv this pregnancy... oh my god. Little House on the Prarie is on.

buh bye.

Are you in the military?

I was checking out the traffic on this blog to see if anyone was coming here via googling porn like on Scooters blog, no :( , and see someone from a military post has been checking this blog out from time to time. Who is you? I'm curious. Actually I would love it is anyone who stumbled upon this blog would say hi - you suck, or whatever.

Thanks

25 Random Things

I'm not going to post rules or tag people. I did that on facebook. Here is what I wrote there:

1. I have been ignoring all the tags from this stupid 25 Random Things crap, but I swear 25 people have tagged me so fine.

2. So far, I have lived in 5 states and want to go south west next.

3. My first child was conceived at age 35 via donation.

4. I helped my cat give birth. Every time I tried to leave she'd follow me with a kitten hanging half out of her.

5. I found my first gray hair at age 21 along with my first wrinkle.

6. I am fascinated seeing the resemblances between children and their parents, but can't see the likeness between myself and my daughter.

7. I used to want to be a ballerina, gymnast, actress, archaeologist, beautician, glass blower, ceramicist. Pretty much in that order.

8. I like to play games - card, board, darts, puzzles, alone or in competition. I am highly competitive.

9. I have still not figured out the thing I am supposed to do when I grow up. I think about it a lot, but nothing seems right.

10. Every part of my body is over sensitive. For instance I don't like fans blowing on me because it tickles the tiny hairs on my body and drives me insane.

11. I cannot get really really drunk. My stomach gives me the stop signal before that happens and I listen. I have never passed out.

12. I have never broken a bone on my body, not been hospitalized until having a baby.

13.I have done more drugs than just about everyone I know, but now have absolutely no interest in doing anything, nor do I even take prescription drugs. Except maybe X. That was pretty good.

14. My musical preferences are all over the place, but pretty much boil down to harmonizing voices. Harmonizing voices give me goosebumps every time.

15. I have a hard time remembering names. So much so that I still don't know the names of my daughters daycare teachers.

16. I have owned 13 vehicles so far. Most of them shit the bed on me.

17. I have been to 13 different schools. 9 by the 9th grade.

18. I dress for comfort most of the time, but would love to play dress up in fancy Victorian gowns every day.

19. I worked on a small organic vegetable farm for years, but rarely ate anything from the farm.

20. I collected 50 porcelain dolls over the years knowing that I liked them because I really wanted my own child. They are in storage now waiting to see if my daughter would like them.

21. I love yard sales and they have ruined my ability to buy retail. If it costs more than a quarter it's too expensive!

22. I do not have a favorite color nor a favorite number.

23. I use an old blanket for a pillow and have done so for a very long time. It is way more comfortable than a pillow. The one I use now is from my freshman year in the dorms at KCAI.

24. I can't decide if I want a girl or boy this time around. I always wanted twins - one of each, but that's not going to happen because this is IT.

25. Now I'm a little depressed. I had a hard time thinking of anything about myself that would be of interest and this is all I came up with. Oh well. I'm good at not dwelling.

The McGriddle

I have been eating breakfast out almost every day for the past 4 months. I switch between McDonalds, Dunkies, and The local diner. Today for the first time ever I decided to try the McGriddle. It kinda tasted good. It tasted good until about 1/2 way through then it was pretty gross till I stopped eating it about 3/4 through the sandwich. I feel pretty gross now.

The good news is that I am two pounds down from last week, where I had a four pound gain! That means that I have only gained 2 pounds in the past 4 months of pregnancy! And NO, I am so not starving myself. I am eating pretty much whatever I want while watching the fat and sodium to to a degree. I swelled up horribly with Sadie, and would like to avoid that, so I try to make sure the protein is high and the sodium is low, but I still eat crap like McGriddles sometimes.

I still haven;t told my bosses I'm pregnant. I was told to expect a Christmas bonus, and I know I won't get one if I'm pregnant. I want to be paid for my time off. Last time I was in the hospital for a week and took 3 weeks after to recover from the C-section and spend time with my girl. It sucks, but I will do the same this time and in exchange I want them to pay me for those 4 weeks. Hell, I actually covered a shift 2 days after I got home last time.

I was wide awake last night around 12:30 am freaking out about money. What will I do if they don't pay me for my time off? How will I afford daycare for 2 children when I can't afford it for the one? I am out $300 a month from losing my basement dweller and mom is tapped. I shouldn't worry. The worse that could happen is I can't pay my mortgage and I lose the house, right? I hate my stupid falling apart house anyway. I wouldn't mind another basement dweller, as long as they can reliably pay their rent on time and are quite and honest. It's a decent basement. Well, it will be once I replace the shower. All the parts are in my back yard.

My bedroom is a mess and that adds to my anxiety. I don't put clean clothes away and it's a mess, but resting is always the option I pick when I have free time.

I have to interview people now. We are probably one of the few companies hiring in Michigan right now.

Burlington Coat Factory

My email to their corporate office:

In the interest of keeping a business profitable in Michigan I would like to bring an important issue to your attention. I visited your Westland, MI store on Saturday January 17th with every intention of buying a coat, even if I didn't find one I really liked. I needed a new coat badly! I went to the section that was tagged with my size and found every size available from small to 3x. I do not have the time or patience to search through your thousands of coats to find the correct size and fit. I put down the hat and gloves I was going to purchase along with the coat and left disappointed. I will not shop there again and I doubt I am the only person who feels this way. Sincerely, Kim A

They responded with a form letter as expected - your opinion is important to us blah blah blah.

But then they actually sent me something I wasn't expecting. It's the response to my letter that the customer relations person sent to the store manager:

I'M DEEPLY SORRY THAT THE CUSTOMER FELT THIS WAY. WE WILL PULL A TEAM
TOGETHER TO RE-SIZE THE COATS UP TO COMPANY STANDARDS. IF SHE WOULD LIKE
TO RE-VISIT THE STORE WE WOULD GLADLY HELP HER WHEN SHE COMES IN.

ST 530

YOLANDA LEE
STORE MANAGER

Then the Customer relations chick said thank you and sent a copy to me. It's not much, but it wasn't just a form letter and that is something. They still fucked up the most important part - where's my coupon/gift card?? I'm still not going back, but I would have if they had sent me a gift card. I'm just going to order online or most likely I'll just see the rest of the winter out with my hoodie. The worst of the cold has to be over, right?

Another whining post

Turns out I'm losing my medical coverage from U of M. It was good while it lasted. It was awesome actually. They tossed my bills for a year and a half - like charity. Nice of them, Don't you think? My work offers some shitty plan now through the county. I have to pay monthly and the benefits are mediocre. I don't think I'm going to bother. If I get a brain tumor or something I'll quit work and get on the medicaid anyway. The pregnancy is already covered by medicaid. It still sucks to lose the charity coverage.

I couldn't listen to/watch the inauguration today. the WWW was swamped is my guess. I could watch 2 seconds then it would pause for 20 seconds. So frustrating.

I was told today that I need to keep an eye on Sadie's weight. I was really concerned when she was tiny, but I relaxed about her weight. Now I'm told to worry again. She was 99th percentile for everything at first, but now her height is 75th percentile, which makes her heavy for her height. She looks perfect to me, but I guess I'm wrong, tho when I said so are you saying she looks fat the dietitian said I didn't say that - just keep an eye on it. And then she told me to keep doing the same - not to even switch her to 2% milk yet. Okay then - I'll just keep an eye on it and watch her get fat?

You know, today has just kinda sucked, but everything else is just little crap. Traffic sucked, weather sucks, lunch sucked... whatever. Hard to say if I'm just being moody. I don't think it matters why, does it?

"they could pretent they're bad blacks"

So, nice houses are selling in Detroit for nothing or next to nothing. My mother just interrupted my musings on how to punish my asshole boyfriend to say that she wished she could buy one of those houses and I suggested we should buy a few blocks of Detroit and have safety in numbers. Then mom said that the good blacks would probably like to move in around our white neighborhood. I said oh yeah sure they could hide the whites from the gangstas. Then mom said we would be a little safer because they (good blacks) could pretend they're bad blacks.

Any suggestions on how to passive aggressively punish my boyfriend for waking me up 4 times? The 4th time he allowed Sadie to yell outside my door because "he was sleepy" even though he slept in and was supposed to be allowing me some sleep after waking me up 3 times. I need to get this aggression out some way. I wish I could shovel, but it really fucks my back up and it's hard to recover. God, I am so tired and angry.

Anyway, we like to have fun with inappropriate conversations from time to time.

That makes me think of my sweet neighbor Cindy. She is black, as is 90 percent of my neighborhood. One day she told me that she had to get out of this neighborhood because "it was getting too dark". I laughed my ass off! She was serious!

So, is anyone interested in buying a house next to us in Detroit? Black or white or whatever color of course, you just need to keep your house and lawn up. Gay would be fabulous, as I'm told they did a terrific job with San Francisco. You might want to bring a big dog or gun or something with you, though I don't think there would be that much trouble. I lived in the middle of cracktown Kansas City, and no one messed with us... I think they thought if we lived there we must be nuts and people don't like to mess with nuts.