The house

It's 4am and my belly hurts.  I think I'm ovulating.  I'm a bit disturbed by the idea that my tubes are cut.  Where is the egg going? Is it just sitting there at the end of the tube rotting?

Here is the garage. It's solid and large.  It was a nice start to the tour.

This is the entry door on the side of the house.  The garage is on the left and the kitchen door is on the right.   This room is called "the mud room" and was also nice - roomy for a place to take your shoes off.  Here is the other side of the room:

So then to the left we enter the kitchen area:

Not too bad!   It's bigger than my kitchen and much wider.  Another cool thing is that all you do is turn around and:

Next we have the "master bedroom"

and to the upstairs, but first the bathroom:

 

This area is kinda neat:

At the top of the stair is a common area, and off of that are 2 small rooms.  One room is very small - big enough for a crib and maybe a dresser, the other  is very small as well and would fit the same.  The cool part is the common are could be a play area.  There is also a big closet up there. Here are the rooms:

 

 

  This house holds a lot of good memories for their family, but it's just not right for us.

The biggest issue is that the kids would be upstairs.  Sadie is clumsy right now and would break her neck climbing those stairs within a week.  Seriously she whacked her head at least 10 times today, and fell at least a dozen.  My mom thinks there's something wrong with her - I think she's two.  Anyway, for the next few years I would have to trek the children up and down those stairs every time they wanted a toy.  Every time a toddler had to go pee pee.  Every midnight feeding. Every nightmare.  They would not be able to just go to their room and play.   If they were 5 and 7 it would be different.

We are cramped now, and despite the fact that they say it is 1430 sq. ft., it seems smaller than what I have now at 1000 sq ft.  I need more room.  I need to be able to walk through my living room without tripping over baby gear.  I really don't think I would be happy sleeping in the living room and living in the dining room and storing my towels and toiletries in the basement.

Oh, and here is the outside. 

Do I have the balls to do it?

I went to the doctor today to follow up on the antidepressants prescribed to me 6 weeks ago.  I'm on Wellbutrin btw, and as far as antidepressants go it's pretty swell, because it doesn't have the unfortunate side effects that most antidepressants have.  I have been feeling less depressed since taking them, but not happy, so she bumped my dosage up.  That part of my day was good.  I want to be embarrassed about the fact that I take antidepressants, but whatever.  Fuck you if you judge me.  It makes me feel better.  The bad part of the day came when I checked out and they told me the visit costs $140.  I informed my Dr. that I no longer had insurance and she still billed my visit as a "level 4".  I think either she forgot, or she is not sympathetic to poverty.  She really didn't seem to get it.  I cried at check out.

So, this is what I'm talking about when I ask do I have the balls to do it:

I don't earn enough money to live comfortably.  I don't mean like live like I want to live - with money to spare, I mean like wear clothes that fit me and eat healthy food and have the heat or air conditioner on when I'm uncomfortable. Daycare costs $200 a week for 2 kids.  I have a mortgage.  I don't have insurance.  I haven't had a raise in years even though I work my ass off and even if I threaten to leave they won't give me what I need to be comfortable.

This is what I'm thinking:  Move in to Mark's mom's house.  The one that is next door to their home in Ypsilanti.  They own it and can't sell it because of the market, so it's sitting there.  We could live there, in what appears to be a bigger house, rent free and only pay bills.  And maybe their property taxes/insurance.  The neighborhood is better and I would get out from under my house which is worth 1/3 of what I owe.
I would quit my job out here, 1. because it's too far away, and 2. if my bills are reduced I will come out even when I quit paying for daycare.  I will be a stay at home mother.   also, we will be moving far (20-30 minutes) from our friends.  Also, what will my mom do?  I don't know if there would be room for her, but more importantly I'm pretty positive she doesn't want to move out there.

Mark has a chance to get a full time job at the school that he attends, for not a lot of money, but maybe enough to support us.  He would be the bread winner.  What an odd life that would be for me - someone who has always been so independent.

And you know what else?  While I am good at my job and it is a source of pride, I don't want to work anymore.  I think with the drugs helping my mood I could be a good SAHM.  I like a clean house and to organize.  I really liketo organize, but am do mentally drained from work I don't do it.  I could even see myself working on the house.  Small renovations since it looks like an older home that needs work.  I am very mechanically inclined.  And I'm also good with kids, though I think it's also very hard to take care of children all day every day.  

What am I forgetting?  Where's the flaw in this plan?  Aside from living next to Marks family (no offense).  We may not be any more financially comfortable, but I think I would be happier and I know Mark would be happier.  He could have a job that he likes, and live in a town he loves.

Is this a bad idea?  It must be.

TAG!

I found this in my drafts here on blogger.  I had to add one to the end because it was originally a preggo announcement.

A Fertile Momma tagged me, so here's the rules: It's simple. Just write six random facts about yourself. Then tag six friends. Can I tag her back? Maybe everyone could tag her back and eventually we could make her SORRY!

1. I used to clean for Kraft Foods in Florida when I was a teenager. The best thing about it was they had free samples everywhere for the taking. Or maybe it just looked like that to me.Either way there was taking involved.

2. I broke in to a neighbors house with my best friend, Shirley, when I was 5. They came home while we were looking for things to steal. We bolted after they came in and i guess they saw us, because I was subsequently grounded. I was mad because Shirley was out playing the same day. When we were older I found out she just had the shit beat out of her instead of being grounded.

3. I have had cats living with me pretty much my whole life, except for a short time when I lived with a friend who was allergic. I ended up hiding a cat in my bedroom for a month before I finally told him. I also hid a cat in my dorm room during my freshman year of college.

4. Speaking of cats - I have a whisker collection that goes back about 10 years.

5.I cannot drink until I pass out or black out.  My body refuses to let me get that drunk.  As a matter of fact I rarely get beyond a little buzzed before I start to feel ill or tired or tired and ill.

6. I used to play in the sewers under Kansas City, Missouri.  Around that time I also used to break in to abandoned buildings and dive in to the giant fountains in the Plaza for change during Rain storms.  We also used to climb the towers in the Plaza.  Being broke was never more fun than when I was young and lived in KCMO.  OH, we also used to skinny dip in a country club's pool in the middle of the night.  And sing badly and loudly on the street corners with out hands extended.  I sold my hand made jewelry with friends a couple times in Westport like a dirty hippie.

Violet has an opinion

Move along, Nothing to see here.

Except for some pictures:

She's still pretty boring, but cute.  If you are in to stickin' out monkey ears.

It appears to be a case of naughty toddler, but then you realize that gramma is holding the baby for the toddler and likely encouraging the behavior. 

She looks a lot like her daddy I think, tho people tell me she looks like me too sometimes.  Maybe she's one of those good 50/50 mixes.  Too bad she didn't get my ears.

We went to Walmart to get portraits done, because it's 8 bucks for a package.  I made an appointment for first in the morning, 10 am, so that the girls would be happy, awake, and fed.  The photographer was 45 minutes late.  A lot can happen in a little girl/baby hour.  Violet was tired and fussy and Sadie was bored and not very cooperative.  This is the best pic of the two of them we got.  It's got character anyway.

awwwww....

We couldn't get her to fold her hands in front of her, so I asked her to hide a bottle of nail polish I was bribing her with under her hands.  While taking the photos I slipped the polish in my pants and eneded up finding it later at home still in my pocket.  I shoplifted from Walmart!! 

OK, I paid extra for this one.  I don't usually.


















We are going to a viewing tomorrow.  Sarah was killed by her husband at the bar where Mark sang karaoke on Wednesdays. I have been thinking about her a lot since I heard the news.  It was a brutal way to die and she suffered.  She has a daughter and I just can't get the image of her laying there alone next to the dumpster thinking about her child as the life ran out of her.  It hurts my heart to think about.  It also makes me appreciate the relationship I am in.  I honestly don't think Mark is capable of striking me even if I was hitting him with everything I had.  I don't understand why some women stay with men that abuse them, but I hope this incident will help at least one woman realize that they should get out and get help before it's too late.

Latest Pics

We FINALLY replaced some old crappy furniture with some new much less crappy furniture.  I have been looking for a good deal on a set I liked for years.  The furniture is too big for my living room, as you can see, but dammit - I have 5 people living in my house and am happy that we can all share a room comfortably now.

As you can see Violet is also pleased with the purchase.  This fabric is much softer than the burlap we used to lay her on.

Here is Violet at work.  She joins me 3 days a week in the afternoons.  I don't get any work done and just pray the bosses don't call or come in while she's there.

I don't take pics of Violet as often as I did with Sadie, and I don't take pics of Sadie nearly as much as Violet.  There's too much LIFE going on with 2 kids.  Sadie is in big girl panties now.  I should have taken pics of the shit explosion that happened Saturday between the 2 girls.  When Mark was out.  Vi had it coming out of the top of her neck, and Sadie had it in a floor potty, the toilet, and of course needed her but wiped.  Good times!

Sadie calls Mark Daddy now almost all of the time.  It was a transition that I considered, but it's still odd to me.  I mean it's great, but I never expected Sadie to have a daddy.  I find it very endearing, and a little frightening. 

And here is the man I love, taking out the garbage.  In his bathrobe.  Wearing some (sun?) "glasses".  He has no sense of embarrassment, which is cool... but I DO!!

A few pics

Violet is getting so big! She is super chill as you can see in this photo:



I love Tom Hanks. I can't even joke about that~



I even have a dress ready should he ask me to marry him.



Brad is such a flirt. Mark who?



I love the beach, but my skin can't handle the sun anymore. I really needed a hat this day.

It's not easy maintaining this beautiful translucent skin.

Hey, nothing wrong w a little dark meat.

Mark in the tub. Or more like the toilet. Hey Mark - fiber might help.

Mark was having a grand time until riiiight after I snapped this pic.

I ran in to my old bf John. His breath reeked of sardines. I should know after making out with him for 4 hours.

Kurt - I just couldn't get over seeing him in Detroit!

My beautiful doll, Sadie

Got me some new jammies - Underroos, remember those?

I told Mark his palms weren't going to be the only body part effected if he kept it up like that.

Tom is so weird!! He insisted he get his pic taken with me. Whatevaaaa!

It was a really rainy weekend.

This creep wouldn't let me use the swing alone.

Another ex. He's a good hugger.

This dude got totally wasted in the park - he didn't even feel the bites!

I tried red. Mark likes brunette better.