The house

It's 4am and my belly hurts.  I think I'm ovulating.  I'm a bit disturbed by the idea that my tubes are cut.  Where is the egg going? Is it just sitting there at the end of the tube rotting?

Here is the garage. It's solid and large.  It was a nice start to the tour.

This is the entry door on the side of the house.  The garage is on the left and the kitchen door is on the right.   This room is called "the mud room" and was also nice - roomy for a place to take your shoes off.  Here is the other side of the room:

So then to the left we enter the kitchen area:

Not too bad!   It's bigger than my kitchen and much wider.  Another cool thing is that all you do is turn around and:

Next we have the "master bedroom"

and to the upstairs, but first the bathroom:

 

This area is kinda neat:

At the top of the stair is a common area, and off of that are 2 small rooms.  One room is very small - big enough for a crib and maybe a dresser, the other  is very small as well and would fit the same.  The cool part is the common are could be a play area.  There is also a big closet up there. Here are the rooms:

 

 

  This house holds a lot of good memories for their family, but it's just not right for us.

The biggest issue is that the kids would be upstairs.  Sadie is clumsy right now and would break her neck climbing those stairs within a week.  Seriously she whacked her head at least 10 times today, and fell at least a dozen.  My mom thinks there's something wrong with her - I think she's two.  Anyway, for the next few years I would have to trek the children up and down those stairs every time they wanted a toy.  Every time a toddler had to go pee pee.  Every midnight feeding. Every nightmare.  They would not be able to just go to their room and play.   If they were 5 and 7 it would be different.

We are cramped now, and despite the fact that they say it is 1430 sq. ft., it seems smaller than what I have now at 1000 sq ft.  I need more room.  I need to be able to walk through my living room without tripping over baby gear.  I really don't think I would be happy sleeping in the living room and living in the dining room and storing my towels and toiletries in the basement.

Oh, and here is the outside. 

Do I have the balls to do it?

I went to the doctor today to follow up on the antidepressants prescribed to me 6 weeks ago.  I'm on Wellbutrin btw, and as far as antidepressants go it's pretty swell, because it doesn't have the unfortunate side effects that most antidepressants have.  I have been feeling less depressed since taking them, but not happy, so she bumped my dosage up.  That part of my day was good.  I want to be embarrassed about the fact that I take antidepressants, but whatever.  Fuck you if you judge me.  It makes me feel better.  The bad part of the day came when I checked out and they told me the visit costs $140.  I informed my Dr. that I no longer had insurance and she still billed my visit as a "level 4".  I think either she forgot, or she is not sympathetic to poverty.  She really didn't seem to get it.  I cried at check out.

So, this is what I'm talking about when I ask do I have the balls to do it:

I don't earn enough money to live comfortably.  I don't mean like live like I want to live - with money to spare, I mean like wear clothes that fit me and eat healthy food and have the heat or air conditioner on when I'm uncomfortable. Daycare costs $200 a week for 2 kids.  I have a mortgage.  I don't have insurance.  I haven't had a raise in years even though I work my ass off and even if I threaten to leave they won't give me what I need to be comfortable.

This is what I'm thinking:  Move in to Mark's mom's house.  The one that is next door to their home in Ypsilanti.  They own it and can't sell it because of the market, so it's sitting there.  We could live there, in what appears to be a bigger house, rent free and only pay bills.  And maybe their property taxes/insurance.  The neighborhood is better and I would get out from under my house which is worth 1/3 of what I owe.
I would quit my job out here, 1. because it's too far away, and 2. if my bills are reduced I will come out even when I quit paying for daycare.  I will be a stay at home mother.   also, we will be moving far (20-30 minutes) from our friends.  Also, what will my mom do?  I don't know if there would be room for her, but more importantly I'm pretty positive she doesn't want to move out there.

Mark has a chance to get a full time job at the school that he attends, for not a lot of money, but maybe enough to support us.  He would be the bread winner.  What an odd life that would be for me - someone who has always been so independent.

And you know what else?  While I am good at my job and it is a source of pride, I don't want to work anymore.  I think with the drugs helping my mood I could be a good SAHM.  I like a clean house and to organize.  I really liketo organize, but am do mentally drained from work I don't do it.  I could even see myself working on the house.  Small renovations since it looks like an older home that needs work.  I am very mechanically inclined.  And I'm also good with kids, though I think it's also very hard to take care of children all day every day.  

What am I forgetting?  Where's the flaw in this plan?  Aside from living next to Marks family (no offense).  We may not be any more financially comfortable, but I think I would be happier and I know Mark would be happier.  He could have a job that he likes, and live in a town he loves.

Is this a bad idea?  It must be.

TAG!

I found this in my drafts here on blogger.  I had to add one to the end because it was originally a preggo announcement.

A Fertile Momma tagged me, so here's the rules: It's simple. Just write six random facts about yourself. Then tag six friends. Can I tag her back? Maybe everyone could tag her back and eventually we could make her SORRY!

1. I used to clean for Kraft Foods in Florida when I was a teenager. The best thing about it was they had free samples everywhere for the taking. Or maybe it just looked like that to me.Either way there was taking involved.

2. I broke in to a neighbors house with my best friend, Shirley, when I was 5. They came home while we were looking for things to steal. We bolted after they came in and i guess they saw us, because I was subsequently grounded. I was mad because Shirley was out playing the same day. When we were older I found out she just had the shit beat out of her instead of being grounded.

3. I have had cats living with me pretty much my whole life, except for a short time when I lived with a friend who was allergic. I ended up hiding a cat in my bedroom for a month before I finally told him. I also hid a cat in my dorm room during my freshman year of college.

4. Speaking of cats - I have a whisker collection that goes back about 10 years.

5.I cannot drink until I pass out or black out.  My body refuses to let me get that drunk.  As a matter of fact I rarely get beyond a little buzzed before I start to feel ill or tired or tired and ill.

6. I used to play in the sewers under Kansas City, Missouri.  Around that time I also used to break in to abandoned buildings and dive in to the giant fountains in the Plaza for change during Rain storms.  We also used to climb the towers in the Plaza.  Being broke was never more fun than when I was young and lived in KCMO.  OH, we also used to skinny dip in a country club's pool in the middle of the night.  And sing badly and loudly on the street corners with out hands extended.  I sold my hand made jewelry with friends a couple times in Westport like a dirty hippie.

Violet has an opinion