1st Trimester NT screen DONE!

Everything looks great at 12 weeks 4 days. They confirmed July 10th.

The first hour was spent with a genetic councellor. We discussed what the test was for andthe likelyhood of my eggs being bad at age 37.

The 2nd hour was looking at the baby. Heart rate was 162. They could or would not tell me the sex. I think it's a girl, but I thought I saw a lil something sticking up between the legs. The tech said there was nothing to see so I'll take her word on it. The Downs measurements were excellent and I feel pretty secure that this baby looks healthy. We will get the blood work results back in 10 days. I think that's it. I wish I knew the sex already. I hate saying "it" plus it's easier to only come up with one name. Bob Thomas or Juniper somethingorother for a girl is my current favorite.

The baby was picking it's nose as we watched. I swear!

Since I'm on the subject...

Sadie got a new potty seat for the bathroom. She grabbed her grammas reading glasses and picked up a magazine like she was a pro at chillin on the toilet. We're not pushing toilet training at 20 months - she likes doing it - something different I think. It's mostly a weekend event. There's no time for sitting on the potty for fun during the week.

Maybe next post will not involve bodily functions. Who am I kidding - I'm pregnant with a toddler - what in my life doesn't involve bodily functions?

Poo Poo in the bathtub!

Sadie was goofing around in the tub after the water was gone, got into a froggy position and as I said "don't poop in the tub!!!" she did, looked around and freaked out to see this brown log sitting right next to her. She screamed and scrambled to get away from it like it was going to get her. OMG I couldn't help but laugh as I tried to calm her down and showed her it was just her poop that goes in the potty.

Pee pee in the potty!

Sadie just went pee pee in her potty! She asks to sit on it now and then and she asked this morning so having nothing better to do I stripped her and set her down in the living room. I was SO not expecting there to be something in the potty when she stood up! I honestly don't know if she even was really aware that she did it at the time. I made a big deal of it but she seemed pretty unfazed. She is not yet 20 month old so I think it's most like coincidental that she peed, but I still got kinda choked up. Did you get choked up when your kid peed in the toilet for the first time, or is it my hormones?

A lot of whining - read at your own risk

I just have to say... waaaaaaaaaah.

That pretty much sums it up, so I'm not going to go in to details. I'm pregnant - that should tell you a lot if you've ever been involved in pregnancy.

Bleak Crap Shit Screwed Fuck-it

Spoke with my real estate agent today. The average home in my neighborhood is selling for $27,000. Can you fucking believe that?

"I hope you had a good weekend. I have done a quick CMA for you. Inkster right know is getting killed by the sale price. A lot of properties are selling but at a very low price. (Ave Price around $27,000). These are foreclosed or short sale properties for the most part."

I owe $70, 000 on my house. I want out of my house. I would have to sink a few thousand in to it if I wanted to sell it or rent it. I have a basement leak. Paint... carpet... minor repairs... I really don't know what to do but dump it. Maybe I can get a new house (for $30k) and then dump it, so I can still utilize my awesome credit.

I feel trapped by circumstances. I have a steady, full time, job. It doesn't pay as much as I'd like, but I'm not out of work like so many I know. I could certainly pay on a $30k mortgage with no problems! I want a house that's BIGGER. I NEED a house that's bigger. I want a house that's insulated. Energy efficient. With a garage. In a good neighborhood.

I was supposed to buy this "starter house" and then in 5 years sell it for a profit and move on to a bigger and better house. My 5 years were up December 10th but now I am trapped. I could maybe do a short sale, or renegotiate the mortgage if I fell on hard times. I could also get assistance and medical coverage if I fell on hard times. How FUCKED UP is our system that I can say that I would be better off if I was worse off??

I want out of my house and I want out NOW. *pouty lip*

Holy Obama!

This MAN is never going to live up to the expectations of the people who apparently think he's Jesus come back to save us. Look at the images that I am seeing everywhere lately below. It's creepy. I don't care if a picture was accidental - it looks like a halo and the media is running with it.
THIS ONE ESPECIALLY. IT'S EVERYWHERE.


JAYZUS!!! IN GRAYSCALE


HALO HALO HALO



NOT SO ACCIDENTAL ME THINKS



IF HE ACTUALLY GLOWED LIKE THIS... !


Obama is going to disappoint just about everybody. Except for the few who voted for McCain. You'll get to say "see, he's no massiah - McMcain would have pulled out of this economic pit of despair." Obama is going to try hard - but JESUS CHRIST people, he's not divine. He's a guy who can't quit his nicotine habit and probably picks his nose when no one is looking. Sheesh.

Fuck the POLICE

After making a small purchase at Home Depot in Dearborn Heights I crossed Michigan Avenue and headed westbound towards my home. Officer cocksucker pulled me over for crossing Michigan Avenue where I did. Apparently there is a sign on the median that says you cannot drive straight across to get in to the turn lane.
Are you familiar with this area? Do you think that there are more important/dangerous crimes committed? Ya THINK?
Fine though. I didn't see the sign. Thanks for the warning, but nooo.. the FINE WAS $100.00. One hundred fucking dollars. One hundred CHRISTMAS dollars. One hundred PAY A BILL dollars. I work full time and have to live in this shitty neighborhood and just cancelled my home phone and security monitoring because I do what I have to do and that cop just forced me to pay ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for crossing the crime ridden street at the wrong spot.
I am sick to my stomach about this and can't sleep so here I am purging.
That cop should be ashamed of himself. They should all be ashamed of themselves. He turned right around and headed back to his spot to catch another poor local crossing the street on the wrong day. Fuck the cops. Shaaaaaame on you. I hope you are alone and miserable and get syphilis from one of the whores you pick up 50 feet from where you pulled me over you piece of shit excuse for someone who is supposed to be protecting me. All you did today was make a killing off of nice people to make a buck. There's no money in fighting crime, is there, so you just take it from the citizens you are supposed to be looking out for. Happy fucking holidays to you bastard. I hate you and I hate this neighborhood.

"Protect and Serve" - HA! How was I protected or served today? The police are corrupt.


CORRUPTION:

1 a: impairment of integrity, virtue, or moral principle : depravity b: decay , decomposition c: inducement to wrong by improper or unlawful means (as bribery) d: a departure from the original or from what is pure or correct2archaic : an agency or influence that corrupts3chiefly dialect : pus

Virgins

Poor kid. Poor fucked up kid. I like how "sports nuts" are going to be judged by his god along withe "racists" and "mormons". There's a couple I can't read and it's driving me nuts. Top right - what kind of women? Oh, and watch out Cassie - you're on that list at least once!!!
Edit: rebellious women. Poor kid. How about F se religions?

Holiday Fun

Mom is ready to start putting up Christmas decorations. I think we should follow tradition and not start until Thanksgiving is over.

I can understand wanting to begin now though. It is a festive time of year, when everything sparkles. It makes the freezing air and sticky snow acceptable instead of miserable. If I had a bigger house I might be more excited, but seriously - where are we going to fit ONE MORE THING??

A friend is a real estate agent. She says people are just buying houses for nothing and abandoning their current house. My credit is awesome. How big of a hit would I take? Should I feel bad about even thinking about it? I don't think I would feel bad at all. I didn't get myself in this mess. All I did was buy a house because it was a "sure way" to make money. Now I owe more than it's worth and could get a MUCH better house in a MUCH better neighborhood for LESS THAN HALF of what I owe on my house. ReFUCKINGdiculous. My friend just sold a $160k house for $30k in a good neighborhood! What am I waiting for? I can buy a house now then it won't matter about my credit. Plus like I said my credit is awesome, so even if I lost 100 pts, it would still be pretty good.

I really think I might contact her. She says she's got 6 pages of good houses she could show me today. Could I get a loan? Only one way to find out. My house sucks.

Her suffering is over

Last night, this morning actually, when I got back in to bed around 5:30 I again began to think about gramma and my visit yesterday. I thought she could be taking her last breath now. I thought thank you for not scarring my birthday :). I thought, while I cried in bed, that if there is an afterlife and you can to please watch over my babies. I thought maybe she died and I was talking to her. She died some time this morning.

I am home today. I will be hormonally crying all day, so I would not get much done at work. I am going to pull out her old albums that I inherited many years ago and scan some pictures for the service.

no title

I got just back from visiting gramma. Her eyes were open and she was awake. I leaned over and said hi, gramma it's Kim. She can't see, and you still have to yell even though she has hearing aids. She didn't react, and I realized her hearing aid was missing. The poor woman is in darkness and deafness but can still feel like shit. I counldn't help but cry. Couldn't she still hear me and know that I was there holding her had and maybe draw some comfort? Did they think it was too much trouble to keep her hearing aids in? I called mom and she said she didn't know what was going on, but since she's usually out of it, why bother? I found it in a box, broken. I was going to put it in while I was there. She was awake and when I stroked her forehead she tried to look and tried to talk. I wanted to talk to her, and she was awake, but couldn't hear me. I checked her other ear and the hearing aid was in and I told her it was me and she tried to talk and all I could do was hold her hand and cry. I wish I knew what she was trying to say.

Insomnia!

I am sleepy in the morning, I am sleepy at work, I am sleepy in the evening with Sadie, and I am sleepy until I go to bed, around 10:30-11:00 pm. Lately, I am not so sleepy after after a few hours of sleep. I am wiiiiide awake! I hope this passes soon, but I fear that I'm in it for the long haul. It would be ok, if I didn't live with a house of people who would be pissed if I started vacuuming at 4 am. Oh well. As long as there's Little House On the Prairie on TV I'm good.

That's all I have to say about that

I have always approved the use of pot for medical reasons, but now it's personal. Gramma has cancer all through her body. For some reason this has not pained her as much as expected, but she has lost her appetite. Lack of food is not going to kill her, but it's going to make dying that much more miserable and eventually they'll put her on a feeding tube. Some THC is what she needs. If this proposal is passed it will be too late for her, but will help others. Maybe one of us one day.

If anyone can hook me up or comes across a special brownie let me know. I am past broke right now but I will get you back someday.

Here is what you will see on your ballot:

PROPOSAL 08-1 A LEGISLATIVE INITIATIVE TO PERMIT THE USE AND CULTIVATION OF MARIJUANA FOR SPECIFIED MEDICAL CONDITIONS

The proposed law would:

· Permit physician approved use of marijuana by registered patients with debilitating medical conditions including cancer, glaucoma, HIV, AIDS, hepatitis C, MS and other conditions as may be approved by the Department of Community Health.

· Permit registered individuals to grow limited amounts of marijuana for qualifying patients in an enclosed, locked facility.

· Require Department of Community Health to establish an identification card system for patients qualified to use marijuana and individuals qualified to grow marijuana.

· Permit registered and unregistered patients and primary caregivers to assert medical reasons for using marijuana as a defense to any prosecution involving marijuana.

Should this proposal be adopted? PLEASE VOTE YES - THIS IS A NO BRAINER

The waiting is the hardest part

I'm not exactly sure what to do now. Gramma has cancer all through her. I remember it was liver, kidney, blood, bone, stomach and I forget the rest or if there was more. The Dr. says she has a couple weeks maybe. So, what now?

I've never lost someone this close to me. I think my mom and uncles will handle arrangements. The only thing I can think to do is visit her. I plan to visit her for some time each day during work hours. She's just a couple miles away. But What if she's out of it? She was pretty spacey in the hospital and she will be doped up now, so... what am I supposed to do there? Sit with her dying body?

Gramma's death has been one of those things that I have thought about many times over the years. It was the only thought that could bring me to tears instantly - until I had a daughter.

I'm not exactly sure what losing her will mean to my life, or what the big deal is. She doesn't have a profound effect on my life. She has lived in a nursing home for a few years now. I visit when I can/want to, maybe once every week or two with Sadie. I think maybe why losing her is so hard is that she has always been there. Wherever she was was my home. I moved a million times, but the feeling of home was always with her. I lived in Florida during high school, but always came home to stay with her in Michigan.

On the upside my mother is turning in to her (hehe sorry ma), so she won't be entirely gone.

Gramma

My gramma had a strong hand in raising me. She was often my guardian and always a mom. She took care of me the best her twisted mind could manage and I always felt that wherever she was was home. She could also drive my nuts. She created my buttons and I swear she enjoyed pushing them!

I visited my gramma in the hospital today. She'll be 90 on March 30th. Well, I kinda doubt she will make it to her next birthday. This is not the first time I have thought that, along with the rest of the family, but this is the first time I hope she will not make it.

I love my gramma and hope that her miserable life will end soon. Part of me wants her to stick around - blind, deaf, pained, crippled, incontinent... miserable, just so I don't have to deal with losing her. That selfish part of me no longer has a loud voice.

I don't know what's wrong with her this time. Maybe a stroke, maybe internal bleeding. She had a couple moments of clarity today, but mostly she was saying a few odd words and then trailing off. She was thirsty and in pain and I took care of that. My uncle showed up about an hour after I got there and I left him to watch her for a while.

I will leave work a little early today, grab Sadie, and take her in so Gramma can see her. She was asking for her.

Update: She is still fucking with me. Looks like cancer and this is it. She just had to go and do it when I was PMSing. I'm a mess.

Okay, I was kidding, but...

Following is a small clip from an an ebay style site that sells fetish stuff - including dirty panties. I have dirty panties. I'll even wear them 2 days in a row for $100.00. I wonder why some are going for over $100 and some are only $5. My panties cost more than $5, but I'd probably buy some size 5's and use them as a mini pad for a day or 2. Did I just say that??


Bikini Style (57)
Fullback Style (92)
Thong Style (94)
Brief Style (14)
General Styles (57)


Title
Bids
High Bid
Time Left

My Silky White Wet CUM School Girl Panties! I need a spank!
11
$46.00
2 Hrs 31 Min+

HOT 23 Year Old REDHEAD DRIPPING WET SILK Panties-1st Time!
4
$35.00
7 Hrs 8 Min+

Keri's well-worn silky black full backs...yum yum!!!
14
$34.69
8 Hrs 36 Min+

SEXY White Cotton Thong Real Pussy Juice Woman 48 Hrs Cum
1
$5.00
9 Hrs 18 Min+

My little virgin pussy soaked my red thong!
0
$15.00
9 Hrs 36 Min+

Miss Candy's Florida Goodies! Yay 2 for 1 =)
30
$126.00
10 Hrs 2 Min+

Amusing

I'd like to see someone do this that didn't annoy me. That guy is a douche.

Stress

Holy crap this is a big whoppin stress attack! I can only assume that PMS has finally found me which is good, because I didn't keep track of my cycle and wasn't sure when to worry.
So, I fucked up Mark's car sale. I posted it on craigslist for him and the best offer he got was $250. I felt that ebay would get the car seen by more people and he could get more money. It was worth a shot and the extra trouble would be worth it. I started the bidding at $200, so at the worst he would lost $50. The car sold for 255.55, to a man in Toledo, about 40 miles away. The auction included towing to a reasonable location, since Mark has AAA.

After the auction was over I looked to see what the fee would be. It's always a percentage of the final value. EXCEPT with ebay motors. Fuckers charge $125.00, regardless of the selling price. It would have been nice to know, eh? I spoke with an ebay rep and she said we could mutually withdraw, but the guy paid via paypal already, so it's too frickin late. Now I have cost Mark $125.00, PLUS the added work involved in towing the vehicle and dealing with this guy's emails and calls. The worst part now - I just remembered, AAA asks if you have valid plates on the car. NO. Crap. Fuck. I don't have spare plates. What a mess for nothing.

There are worse things, and I know it's the PMS, but... shit.

Also, work is stressing me out. I have long days with little to do. If online classes were free I would take one.

Also, I don't do anything at home. Work, as boring as it is sucks my energy from me and I just want to chill after Sadie goes to bed.

PMS - go away now.

Edit: The buyer agreed to cancel the deal. I gave his money back and was able to withdraw the auction. I was afraid that once ebay showed the item paid it wouldn't change status once I gave the $ back. Good thing Mark couldn't find the plate I guess.

Know anyone who wants to buy a car for $250?

My Love

My daughter has a routine every night: after dinner I give her a bath, then she drinks a bottle of warm milk, and then maybe plays a little bit before she goes to bed at 7 pm. Every night part of the bedtime routine is that I hold her while standing next to the crib and I rock her while humming a hush-a-bye tune. Last night was the same as it's been for a while now, with her head on my shoulder as I hummed to her, until she lifted her head and looked into my eyes and smiled her gentle, intelligent, sweet smile. She started swaying with me and in her tiny quiet voice sang a couple a la la's and I felt so connected to her and the love I felt for her was overwhelming. I continued to sing to her and she continued to look into my eyes and smile. Then she shoved her index finger as far as it would go into her nose and made me laugh, which was good because I was getting kinda choked up. I love her so much.

Joe the Plumber - fo realz

Borrowing from Joe - No, not the plumber

Watch this:

Vas Deferens

vas deferens

imbibe

These two words keep popping up in the middle of conscious thought for NO good reason. This has been happeining since I work up this morning. I must have had some odd dreams last night.

Just thought I'd share.

Pics are in

Here are a few shots of the house I checked out the other day:

The pics are actually too flattering. The bathrooms had mold, the toilets and sinks were possily in working order, but beyond cleaning. there was one corner, in the upstairs kitchen I think, that was covered in mold. All of the windows have to be replaced. The foundation looks nasty. One of the 4 units is the size of my small kitchen. Every unit was too small and crappity. Too bad. I'll keep looking!

For something like this:

House Hunting

I don't know why I think it is a good reason. I don't even know if it's possible to get out of a house that I owe more than it's worth.
Buy a house, instead of renting an apartment they said. You will throw your money away to the landlord they said.
Buying a house is an investment that never fails they said.

I am looking at a 4 unit house going to 73k. I owe 71k on my house. God knows what it is worth. All I know is Rob and Angie's house just sold for 60k in a better city/neighborhood.
I will have to sink another 20k into this house I'm told, but then I can rent out the other 3 units and it will pay for itself.

I'm leaving in 10 minutes to see it. Wish me luck. I'll come back and update!

Week 1 done!

It's been a week since I proclaimed my diet intentions. At work I stuck with a bagel w/light cream cheese most mornings. Lunch was turkey sandwiches, with tiny pickles and fat free Pringles. Fridays is eat out day at work and I had 4 slices of pizza, which I felt pretty guilty about. I ordered just pineapple though, so the fat was reduced and the sandwiches were pretty low fat, with Franks Red Hot dumped on them to make me drink more water. I hate drinking water when I'm not thirsty. I drank a LOT of water every day, but according to one website not enough according to my weight.
Anyway, I did pretty well during the work week and by the Friday I had lost 3 lbs.
Friday night we had the lasagna I made for Marks birthday, which was also considerably healthier than I used to make it, but still pretty damned good.
The weekend I thought was going to wash out the pounds I lost during the week. I had cake Friday, and drinks at the bar and 2 slices of pizza at the after party. Saturday and Sunday I felt like I ate a lot and didn't drink that much water. I weighed** in this morning another pound lighter, so I lost 4 lbs last week. Pretty cool.

**As I was writing that I was called to a meeting where the owner told me I had to lay my assistant off - she is also my cousin and very good friend. I hate this place. At least I don't feel like eating breakfast now.

Setting goals

Oy oy oy. I gotta set some goals.

So, my goal is to lose 94 lbs by mid April.

That will bring my BMI down to just under 30%.

That is 3 lbs a week, for 32 weeks.

That is a tough goal, but shit, even if I only lose 1 lb a week I'll be down 32 lbs, and that's better than gaining.

The way I will achieve this goal:

Drink lots of water. No less than 5 16.9 oz bottles a day. This is not that hard, even though I don't like to drink when I don't feel thirsty and it makes ALL the difference.

Exercise every day is some way. I can walk if nothing else, and if the weather is inclement I can do some exercises in the house. I will print up a 30 minute routine for home. I can also take advantage of those stupid on-demand shows on cable. I will allow yoga to replace cardio exercises 2 days a week. I can't wait till snow season. Shoveling snow is my favorite workout!

Eat healthy food and severely reduce fast food intake. There just aren't many healthy options when I eat out and the portions are too big. I will buy food for the work week and I will eat it at work, no matter if the others eat out. I will ask mom to help with these goals by cooking low fat dinners, which she already does pretty well. I will allow 1-2 snacks a day, but only very low in fat and only after I drink a bottle of water.

Keep a food log, including what is eaten, when, and the calorie and fat content. I will also log my weight gain/loss.

You know, I feel like such a failure and I feel like such a fool trying AGAIN. Why even bother fooling myself that I am serious. Why write this down publicly, just to fail publicly. I don't know - for some reason I still have hope.

I has Kittens

I was getting ready to go to out last night when I heard my mom yelling from outside "Kim, come quick!". I ran outside into the rain, thinking she found a hurt raccoon in our garbage can or something, but instead saw he pulling a soaking wet kitten through the fence. The kitten immediately snuggled to mom. I heard another kitten, so I ran into the jungle of my neighbors back yard and grabbed another one. This one was also soaked and dirty - and spitting! I rubbed it's chin for a minute and it relented.

So, now we have 2 wild kittens that were in the rain with no momma in sight. Mom says maybe we should put them back. I was thinking something must have been wrong if they were out in the rain alone, so I brought them in the house. They cleaned up well and are adorable, of course. They seem to be about 4 weeks old - 5 at the most. They have some teeth and like to play. I will care for them for a couple weeks, then find good homes for them - to people who can afford to fix them.

The lady two doors down feeds the feral cats. Now, instead of couple roaming the neighborhood, like a few years ago, there's like 20. I say if you love cats and worry about their well being, fix them. She's gonna have 40 cats next year. Eventually she's gonna stop feeding them, and then there's gonna be a LOT of dead cats in this neighborhood.

I have dreams about kittens. I LOVE kittens. This is cool! I wish I could keep them.

Hurricane Ike

I am fascinated with Ike, as it rolls in to Texas. I think I am especially interested because I have some online friends who live in it's path. Christine lives 1/4 mile from the coast and another lives in or near Houston. Christine evacuated yesterday, leaving a business that opened just a couple weeks ago.

I have always gotten a kick out of the power of nature, and I don't think Ike will disappoint me. I found some webcams in Galveston that were pretty cool, but they went offline late this morning. I am frequenting www.weather.com here at work and watching the video. I love watching people try to give reports in high winds and heavy rain! I love destruction (as long as it's not my stuff)! Everything short of people getting hurt is so cool to watch! How lucky am I to live in a time where we can watch hurricanes land?

I'm going home and turning on the weather channel.

P.S. - we had a frickin plague of flying ant things in our neighborhood yesterday. the grass sparkled with their wings. WTF?

9/11

I think back to September 11th, 2001, often. Not like an obsession, but....

I don't know how it changed anyone else, but for me it made me realize that the sense of security was false and anything could happen any time. Just like the way my car accident taught me that your life can be altered in 2 seconds of shocking metal crunching, the terrorist attack taught me that it can happen here, and there's nothing I can do about it. I was in Boston that day, close to the airport. I felt very vulnerable. It could have been worse. We are lucky that our lives have gone back to normal.

Oh yeah, 9/11 also made me feel patriotism. I suddenly felt like a small part of a greater whole, The United States of America. I wanted to fly a flag, not because everyone was doing it, but because the flag meant something to me for the first time.

I don't know what I can do about those events 7 years ago, but I remember and mourn the lives lost, and the innocence lost that day. I also say thank you to the people who are keeping me as safe as they can.

Some Funny Shit Right Here

Give it a minute. It'll grow on you. Enjoy!!

Republicans

Hrm.

I watched Sarah Palin last night, and John McCain tonight. Palin is... charming, tho her voice could get on my nerves. McCain was not as good of a public speaker as Palin, but I liked what they both had to say. I appreciated the fact that McCain didn't pretend that the republicans did well these past eight years. He implied by telling us all of the things that he will not do. He led me to believe that he is a humble man, partially due to is POW days, and who doesn't respect POW's fur cryin out loud.

I watched Obama as well. I did not see his VP. He was also charming and said some things I liked.

So, are they full of shit like all of the other politicians that I have given the time to listen to, believed in them, only to be disappointed later?

Now I'll have to keep an eye out for the debates. Right now I am leaning towards McCain. I just don't want to choose wrong, you know? Does my vote count for shit? I don't really know, but I still take it seriously. Crap. I hate politics. A LOT.

Change

Well, life will be changing again. Change is usually good, as it is in this case, but I will be missing Mark. Mark is starting his school year today. He will have classes/labs 6 days a week. He will also be working, and on top of homework I will see much less of him. I am very happy! No, not because I will be sleeping alone again, but because he is doing something that will ultimately make his life better.

I have no idea if this change is going to impact our relationship while he is going to school, but I am assuming it will. I think we should get through it just fine and come early May he will have his degree and then who knows what changes will come.

Congratulations Mark - and good luck! MMMMmmmwah!

Fatties

So my drive thru idea needs a little more explanation I think.

My target group are people like me. Fat, hating it, and too lazy to do anything about it. Perfect for Michigan.

My menu structure will take the work out of eating right. The food will appeal to people who live to eat, as opposed to people in HI, who eat to live. The meals will be under a certain number of fat grams, calories and sodium. The meals will be properly proportioned. There will be a veggie category, a carb category and a protein category to choose from. There might be a dessert you can add on, that will be small and fairly healthy as well. If someone ate at my drive thru for all 3 meals they would either lose weight or maintain a healthy weight.

The menu would be simple, with maybe 4 choices in each category, plus an extra choice in each category that will change daily, so you will have variety, but can also count on having something to fall back on if you don't like the daily special.

This is my first time writing this down, so keep that in mind when reading and of course suggestions are welcome:

Group A
Veggies

Garden salad - small dressing portions
Mixed steamed veggies - lightly seasoned
Steamed broccoli - yum!

Group B
Carbs

Baked potato - small portion butter/sour cream on the side
Baked Sweet potato fries - anyone try these?
Seasonal fruit bowl - mmm... pineapple, melons, Michigan cherries...

Group C
Protein

Skinless seasoned chicken - juicy and hot
Tofu something - beats me but I need something vegetarian... oh some veggie burgers age good!
lean beef tips maybe?

So those are some ideas for the stuff that's always there. You pick A, B, and C and pay a flat rate. I was thinking 4 in each category, but I gotta get back to work. Maybe there could be something that was all 3 in 1 pot... stew. Plus don't forget the daily special food to add... maybe that's enough.

2nd Post before bed

Gad, you know this idea is exciting. It's really annoying me actually. Here is a look at the location that inspired this idea:

6778 Middlebelt Road
Garden City, MI 48135


View Larger Map

I don't know why it wont work, but if you click "view larger map" you'll see it.

The Mission Statement

Provide healthy whole food meals that are filling and flavorful.

I somehow ended up at www.sba.gov. I think it is a very helpful site. What I am going to do is play with this idea, even thought I feel foolish for wasting my time on something that could never happen. I know, it could happen. I could open up a fast food joint and revolutionize the food industry. I could single handedly remove Michigan from the top 10 list of fattest states. I would be self employed and teach Sadie the value of working hard. But I feel like I am wasting my time. I'm a bored office manager and lazy to boot. I'm also bored out of my mind with life and might just blossom doing something this cool.

I mean this is a good idea, right? I eat out many days a week, especially at lunch time when I'm working. I do not have time to cook a good breakfast and dinner lately is only healthy because I have a mother that stays at my house and cooks for Sadie and I. Every time I eat out it is a struggle to find something that I want to eat, is fast and easy to get, and is healthy.

I have many ideas for this restaurant. I have many Mission Statements running through my head. I have many names for the business, though none of them are good enough yet. I have many ideas for the food offered, the people who will eat the food, the prices of the food, the location, where the ingredients will come from.

I welcome input. The name is so important. It should convey so much in a word or two.

I plan on using the thesaurus for the following words:

good
healthy
fast
delicious
inexpensive
easy


I came up with all kinds of names Friday night in bed, while Mark was probably wishing I'd shut up and go to sleep. Neither of us have a good memory, so these are off the top of my head:

Tried and True (Healthful Meals) - I remember that one
Fit Meals
Wholesome Meals
Hearty Fare
Simply Sinless

yawn

I'm just going through these words hoping to think of something clever. I'm going to bed.

Auto Accident

I was driving down Middlebelt road dreaming about the fantastic new restaurant I could open at the old Dairy King, when the traffic came to a halt. The accident was at Joy, which is where I was turning, so I continued on, hoping the cars were still there so I could see. I always feel bad for wanting to see, but I want to see. I want to see a car reduced to a chunk of car bits. I want to see the owners of the cars standing around, unhurt, of course.

I arrived at the scene within a couple of minutes just as the wreckers were getting in to position. A sedan was pushed up under the backside of a large pick-up. There was also a minivan quite damaged on the other side of the intersection. I came up with my theory on how the accident happened, based on the damage and position of the vehicles. I guess I like to do that.

Then I found myself choking on tears. What's up with that. It happens every time I see an accident scene now that I think about it. It is very upsetting for me to actually see an accident happen.

So my theory on what is goin on in my head, because I really have no idea:


I am empathizing with the victims of the accident. It is life changing to be in an accident. I must really have been upset by my car accident back in KC. That was a very traumatic incident for me. I can't think of anything else that I can empathize so much with that it brings me to tears. Actually, I have fantasies about accidents. It often involves Sadie and I and Sadie is ok, but I am dying and yelling "is Sadie ok?". If the idea of Sadie being killed in the accident enters my brain it is automatically followed by my suicide. Sorry guys. Anyway, I guess seeing the accidents kinda takes me back to my accident. There was blood and ambulances and pain and shock. I was out of it for much of it, thought Jesse said we were talking. That accident taught me that life can be horribly altered within seconds. It taught me that it can come out of no where, and sometimes there isn't even a second to mentally prepare. That was the most disturbing to me. I didn't see it coming. It could happen again and there's noting I can do about it. Maybe seeing the accident on the way to pick up Sadie today reminded me.

Boycotts

I kinda want to spend a day on this and I bet I would still not be done, but I will start. My thought here is that it seems like there is a good reason to boycott so many businesses. For instance:

( http://www.iamscruelty.com/ )Iams and P&G Cause Animals to Suffer Needlessly For nearly 10 months in 2002 and early 2003, a PETA investigator went undercover at an Iams contract testing laboratory, where a dark, sordid secret was discovered beneath the dog- and cat-food manufacturer’s wholesome image. Our investigator found dogs who had gone crazy from intense confinement in barren steel cages and cement cells, dogs who had been left on a filthy paint-chipped floor after chunks of muscle had been hacked from their thighs, dogs who had been surgically debarked, and horribly sick dogs and cats who were languishing in their cages, neglected and left to suffer without veterinary care.

Therefore boycott: (X means I use at least occasionally)


Febreze Air Fresheners
Old Spice
Secret X
Charmin X
Dreft
Luvs
Pampers
Puffs X
Duracell X
Ivory
Noxzema
Olay X
Safeguard
Zest
CoverGirl X
Max Factor X
Cascade X
Dawn X
Joy
Always X
Tampax X
Aussie X
Head & Shoulders
Herbal Essences
Infusium 23
Pantene
Clairol
Align
Braun
Fibersure
Metamucil
Pepto-Bismol
Prilosec OTC
ThermaCare
Vicks X
Bounty X
Mr. Clean
Mr. Clean AutoDry Carwash
Swiffer
Bounce X
Cheer
Downy X
Era
Gain
Tide X
Crest
Fixodent
Gleem
Scope
Oral-B
Eukanuba
Iams
Actonel
Asacol
Dantrium
Dantrium IV
Didronel
Enablex
Macrobid
Macrodantin
BOSS
bruno banani
ESCADA
GhostGiorgio Beverly Hills
Valentino
Braun
Gillette X
Noxzema
Folgers
Home Café
Millstone
Pringles X

OK, yikes. I use a LOT of P & G products!!

And how about THIS:

avoid buying products and services from countries that aren't free (where sweatshops are generally common and environmental standards are usually low).

AND:

avoid eating processed foods and don't eat anything that has been injected with anything or sprayed with anything. Don't eat animals.

Oh, and I almost forgot: Boycott WALMART! Cuts costs=harm others.

So, I'm thinking all of these things are good. Boycotting these things would make life better for someone, thought not me usually. I like the idea of living in a clearing somewhere surrounded by woods with a garden that would sustain my family all year round. We would have a well and a spring and make our own clothes. But then I think... but Domino's doesn't deliver to the woods so never mind.

And dammit doesn't it kinda suck that you can type in pretty much anything and someone will tell you why you shouldn't use/consume it. I want to be a good person and do my part I guess, but at what cost and is it for a good enough reason? Should I feel like an asshole for using my Gillette razor and my Aussie shampoo that I love so? Dangit.

I am surrounded by idiots

I don't think I'm that smart. I think I'm just smart enough to be aware of the fact that I'm not as bright as I'd like to be. Some people - MANY people - don't know they aren't very bright. Have they EVER even thought about it. Life must be good... just going along, day to day, not wishing for more. Not thinking they suck for being so lame.

They never think about the person behind them when they're driving 30 in a 40.

They never wonder what the person is thinking about the on the other end of the phone when they call for the FIFTIETH time in a day with ANOTHER stupid waste of time question at work.

I could come up with at least 10 acts of idiocy I witnessed today. I'm not meaning to judge. I do stupid shit sometimes. I left my keys in the ignition at the zoo Saturday. I'll admit it. The people I'm talking about are walking around like idiots doing idiot things saying idiot things and driving their idiot selves around while they risk our lives in their minivans all the frickin time.

Toledo Zoo

The trip to the Toledo Zoo was successful. The photo opportunities were not as great a at the Detroit Zoo, so I will judge the Detroit Zoo a better zoo. Well, come on, give us something! The polar bears were pretty frickin happy in Toledo. I have some footage of it and will blog a clip one of these days when I learn how. Here are my pics from the zoo:

Tell me what you think

All I did was drive to CVS for some cold medicine and FUCK! I forgot the tissues. Anyway, I encountered so many frickin IDIOTS that I came up with a plan. Feel free to add:

Every legal citizen of the United Stated, carrying a valid drivers license and who has a perfect driving record for the past five years should be allowed to carry a gun - a paint gun. Whenever you see an idiot doings something idiotic on the road that directly effects you, like not turning left on a green fucking turn arrow, you should be allowed to shoot them once. With permanent paint. OK, so then what? Well I figure after a car has say 10 spots on their car we should be allowed to shoot them with a real gun with a real bullet. Thin the heard. I mean really. Breeding of idiots is getting out of hand. I drove a mile to CVS and could have shot 5 people. Pay a fucking tention people.

And then there's CVS. Do you know the lady (idiot) wouldn't start scanning my stuff till I gave her my CVS card? I told her I had one somewhere and to go ahead while I find it and she stood there. I said can't you ring me up before I give you my card? She said NO. Come the fuck on. And then I had to wait for a long line of coupons. She said OOH, you've got coupons and then handed me a 6 foot receipt. If this frickin CVS card is so dang important why doesn't it have the coupons on it? Who's running the show there? IDIOTS. So, maybe we need to mark these people too. A big black sharpie. She would have had a big X on her forehead by the end of our transaction.

I'm really pretty level headed. I swear.

It's just
driving
with the idiots
gets to me.

Couple a things

OK, first - thanks Joe C - this was the first one I came across that I had to post. Second - how can I fix the overlapping going on in my blog? This will probably get covered up too. Blah!


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Red Meat

From
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/

I first caught Red Meat in the Kansas City Star, when I was in college in KC, MO back in 1990. I am especially fond of Milkman Dan and Karen. This the only online comic I ocassionally check out, as it feeds my twisted sense of humor, and I thought I would share it with those who like comics online.

Tired

I am so tired of feeling like crap in some sort of way all of the time. I am trying to get a handle on my weight again. So far so good. I think that must be the root of all of my problems.

I have a stinkin head cold now. I don't want to be that sick person. I don't want to be that person who ALWAYS has something wrong with them. I don't want to have friends who think oh here she goes again, what's wrong with her now. What worries me most is being that person to my boyfriend. My healthy boyfriend. I don't want to talk about my body... but my face is packed with snot! I feel like shit! My belly hurts from cramps! My neck still hurts! Dangit.

Who gets a cold in summer anyway?

Okay, well... If I don't want to be that person I have to stop being that person, right? I will SHUT THE FUCK UP, eh? I will continue my weight loss regime, which consists of me eating diet meals and taking a pill that will make me shit my pants of I eat more than 15 grams of fat at a sitting. It's working pretty well, as I'm pretty opposed to shitting my pants.

I will look in to yoga, Cassie, I really will. I know it would be very beneficial. It just costs money and takes time - so I gotta make it work somehow. I will be cheery. I will be a GO GETTER. I will... I will... I will... ugh my face really hurts.

Mark

So, Saturday night we had a casual blog discussion with a group of friends. I said the honeymoon phase of our relationship must be over, because Mark does not expound on his love for me anymore. He said he would still do that if I blogged more often, and not just youtube nostalgia videos.

I'm not sure if that means he's been holding back on his feeling for me, or maybe it means he doesn't have the same feelings for me because I don't blog often enough. My guess is that he pulled that reasoning out of his ass and has nothing to back it up with. After all, our relationship is not based on blogging at all, as far as I know.

I think that our relationship has moved to a level of comfort and he is no longer consumed by amazement that he loves me and I love him. As it should be, right? I too am comfortable in our relationship. But - I still like reading about me. I suppose he likes reading about himself too, tho when I did it before I think he felt like he was up on a pedestal, because I only wrote down his wonderful qualities, which made him uncomfortable because he is less than perfect.

Mark and I complement each other. I crave affection, he likes to be affectionate. He likes big butts, and he cannot lie... I got that going on, and I like tall and skinny. He is smart and capable and I know it and he needs to know it too, so I help him feel more confident, as he does for me too. We fit together well and how nice it is to be comfortable after only 5 months. Oh yeah... we BOTH like sex... woo hoo! He makes me want to be a better person, and I think I do the same for him.

So, there. I have blogged. I even blogged about him, tho he did not even imply that that was what he was looking for... but perhaps that was what he meant.

Look at this: He even carries my purse for me... now that's a man in love, who is secure in his masculinity!

Greatest American Hero

If Jesse, my brother, ever READ MY BLOG! then he would love this one. It was our favorite show back in the day.

B is for Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles

I am quite excited to have found this song. I sing it to Sadie often at bath time, tho I couldn't recall how the end of the song went. Now I have it! The only bummer is that I could not find the original Sesame Street version. I'll keep an eye out.

I'd like to buy the world a Coke

Two all beef patties...



DING fries are done:

I'm almost done

The crying indian commercial - priceless

Detroit Nastalgia

Joe C reminded me:

80's Detroit Zoo commercial


Faygo Remembers


Detroit Art Institute - I can't find the full version but this brings back some good memories:

Who Hankers for a Hunk a Cheese?

They must have pleayed this one a LOT. I remembered most of the words!

Manamana

So there were two versions. I recall the latter version, but I'm gonna post them both 'cause the original is cool too.

The Alligator King - Sesame Street

Ahhh... the good ol days.

A letter to my gramma

My fathers mother wrote me a letter:

OK, I wrote it out, but am going to delete it, because I suppose it is personal to her. I have no problem sharing my everything pretty much., but I don't know that she wold like me posting her heartfelt letter.

Basically she would like to attempt to bring my father and I back together.

Here is my response, which I can publish because it is mine. :)

I think the best way to respond to your request is to give you my point of view:
A few years ago my father gave me everything that he had related to me. Baby pictures, school pictures, and many letters from over the years. My guess of his reason of getting rid of these things was to rid himself of possessions? Maybe to live in the present? Either way I thought it was a bit odd, but ok.

I organized the letters by date and read them in order from oldest to newest. As I read those letters I began to see a pattern. In almost every letter I was reaching out to my father. I was trying to have a dad. I was begging for forgiveness sometimes about some little thing he criticized, such as my handwriting. Every letter was me reaching out and apologizing and begging and hoping to create some sort of father-daughter relationship.

I realized, now, as an adult, that I did everything I could to have a relationship with him. What did he do? Nothing. Did he reach out? Ever make himself vulnerable? No. Who was the adult?? ONE time he took me in. For a year. I believe he did it because he thought it was the best thing for me. That was the worst year of my life to date. I told him that a few years ago and told him I forgave him for it. I have forgiven him, but it doesn’t change the past.

So, after reading those letters I decided that I have tried long enough and hard enough. He had made it very clear to me that he has no interest in being my father and I am okay with that. I really am. I think it is sad and I suppose I feel a little sorry that I never had a daddy, but I have terrific uncles that love me and I can count on them. They are my father figures. They are not afraid of what I want from them. I don’t need Gary and I gotta tell you I was glad to realize that. I have no desire to get to know him better. He and I would not be friends in day to day life, so why try to get to know him? I have left it to him to reach out – which is why we have not spoken in years. It’s really becoming more entertaining to me than distressing at this point.

One time he said to me “what do you think I owe you?” I said “nothing” at the time, but you know I think as a parent, (willing or not) you do owe your child. Every parent is responsible for that life and responsible to raise that child to be the best person they can be. Every child deserves to be loved and nourished and made to feel safe. He is not a parent. I think he is lonely man who has reaped what he has sowed. I’m sorry gramma, but I don’t think he deserves my attention.

I had a hard childhood. Violence, and abuse, and neglect were common sometimes. I was poorly treated by my father, though perhaps better than my father was treated by his father. I saw horrible things and was in adrenalin inducing situations often before I lived with him. Now I am an adult and it is my choice to either learn from their mistakes or become a victim. I have chosen to be strong. I have dealt with my issues. I went to therapy. I put my daughter FIRST. I think twice about every decision I make for her. I am raising her to be the best person she can be. I really don’t think I can understand how someone cannot do that as a parent. I lost even more respect for him since I had Sadie. How could he ignore me, his only child?

Honestly, I do not wish him ill. He has his issues and I think he will always be self centered and lonely. There is nothing I can do about that. He has nothing to offer me as a father as it is too late, and he has given me no reason to like him as a person. Does he even care that he has a granddaughter? It boggles my mind, truly, that he can sit there and ignore his only granddaughter. I feel sorry for him. She is amazing.

Gramma, please do not worry about me and Gary. Well, go ahead and worry about him, as he is your son – hehe. I am happy with life, and strong. I love you. I know you are trying to help. Thank you.

Love Kim


I have not sent it yet. I think it is good and Mark said it was good. I don't want to hurt my gramma, but I gotta tell her how it is. Writing this was a bit cathartic too. I'm not surprised, but I am surprised. Anyway, I'll prob read it again in the morning and see if I still want to send it. I kinda want him to read it... should I put that in there?

Update: the letter was sent the next day. I spoke with gramma on the phone. The subject is dropped. She spoke with him and my understanding is that he is not willing to put himself out there to see me or his grandchild. I am not surprised. Drama over.

Response from the Detroit Zoo

I am not going to dwell on why Mark got a response and I didn't. He used my letter and just changed a few words to personalize it to him. I am satisfied with the response, tho it is still a sad situation.

Mark:

Thank you for your email and for sharing your concern for the animals at the Detroit Zoo. I appreciate that you’ve asked about the bear you witnessed pacing, and apologize for the delay in getting back to you.

Several of the bears at the Detroit Zoo (including one of the black bears and the Syrian brown bear who lives with the black bears) have been rescued from private owners or other captive conditions that were inadequate and which, unfortunately, caused them to develop some coping behaviors, like pacing. Once they develop these behaviors they will often exhibit them periodically throughout their lives, for reasons we can’t always perceive. The Detroit Zoo’s bear habitats were built in the late 1920’s and were originally constructed of concrete. We have added natural substrate, grasses, shrubs and trees to make them more complex and appropriate environments for bears. The Zoo’s environmental enrichment program is one of the most progressive and active programs in any zoo and the bears are a priority because of the stereotypical behaviors that some of the bears demonstrate. We have an aggressive and proactive enrichment program for the bears, which includes providing them with food they must forage to find (as they would in nature) toys and other objects they can manipulate and investigate and rotation of the groups of bears among the different habitats. Bears are intelligent animals adapted to live in large complex environments, and allowing them to move among the habitats on a random (not set) schedule allows them to experience a larger “home range”. All of these things will probably not keep the bears who have developed coping behaviors in their former facilities/conditions from falling back into them at times, but we constantly monitor the bears’ activities and conditions and modify the enrichment plans to respond and adapt to the bears’ conditions.

Environmental enrichment cannot take the place of a habitat with the space and complexity these intelligent animals need, which is why plans are in place to create expansive new habitats for bears as part of the master plans for the Detroit Zoo and Belle Isle Nature Zoo. The master plan for the Belle Isle Nature Zoo includes a new, much larger habitat for black bears. Our master plans are progressive and quite ambitious, and obviously can’t be implemented all at one time due to both costs and the logistical ability to renovate everything at one time. In the meantime we are focused on making sure that the animals living here get the absolute best care possible and live in habitats that are dynamic and enriched.

Thanks, again, for your email and your concern for animals,

Scott

D&D Online Alignment Test

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20001222b

I got the best one!

Your Character’s Alignment

Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Neutral Good.

Neutral Good: A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. The common phrase for neutral good is "true good." Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias toward or against order.

Cool green moss

Cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss. Sunset in the mountains sunrise in the mountains trees on the mountains animals on the mountains bubbling streams cool clear water cool clear water cool clear water.

I feel sick to my stomach and really stressed out.

Me crying pisses me off, so I'm not going to do that. Feeling pissed is not an emotion I want to add to this.

Work sucks. I am under valued and under paid and right now I'm over worked.

And Mark needs to bring me some flowers or something, but it's supposed to be his idea. Hmf. Oh well.

Bipolar Spectrum Screening Questionnaire

These Are Your Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire Results

Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire

Results: the results of this psychological quiz are described below.


Total score of: 3 (0-15 Major/unipolar depression)

Individuals with total scores of 15 or less are most likely suffering from Major (unipolar) Depression. (Remember, this quiz assumes that you are 18 or over and have had at least one depression severe enough to have caused you distress and/or interfered with you functioning at home, work, school or in your interpersonal relationships.)

yeah yeah I know. But whats more depressing: being depressed for no reason or being really depressed because every sexual sensation in your body had been drugged in to a coma?

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Screening

http://psychcentral.com/ocdquiz.htm

You scored a total of 5

You have answered this self-report questionnaire in such a way as to suggest that you do not likely currently suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder. You should not take this as a diagnosis or recommendation for treatment in any way, though.

S C O R E S
If you scored...
12 & up OCD is likely
8 - 11 OCD is probable
0 - 7 OCD is unlikely

The Nerd Test

Some of these questions made me think of Marks friends... and Mark.

http://www.nerdtests.com/ft_nt2.php

Your Score Summary

For Science/Math:
72% scored higher,4% scored the same, and 24% scored lower.

For Computers/Technology:
83% scored higher,3% scored the same, and 14% scored lower.

For Sci-Fi/Comic:
61% scored higher,6% scored the same, and 33% scored lower.


For History/Literature:
88% scored higher,4% scored the same, and 8% scored lower.

For Dumb/Dork/Awkwardness:
73% scored higher,11% scored the same, and 16% scored lower.

From this time forward, you'll hold the title:

Cool Non-Nerd
Carry it proudly!

ADD test results

Dr. Amen suggests: "More than 20 items with a score of three or more indicates a strong tendency toward ADD. Your total number of items with a score above three is 12.

Based on this calculation, you DO NOT HAVE a strong tendency toward ADD.

http://www.oneaddplace.com/add-test.php

Detroit Zoo Slideshow

Here are some pics from our July 6th, 2008 visit to the Detroit Zoo. In retrospect, I wish I has taken more pictures of US, Cassie, Carl, Malachai, Mark, Sadie, and myself, but I was concentrating on pics of the animals, thinking Kai would enjoy seeing the pics of the animals he saw during his visit. He is 2 and very smart and inquisitive. Sadie, on the other hand, has probably already forgotten our outing.

My letter to the Detroit Zoo

On Sunday, July 6th, 2008 I visited the Detroit Zoo for the first time. It was an enjoyable experience, except for the black bear exhibit. I was very upset by the repetitious pacing of one of the bears. I don't know the psychology behind the pacing, but I feel certain that that bear was disturbed. I want you to know that I had to turn away from that bear and hold back tears. My daughter did not know that there was anything wrong, but I think many of your adult guests feel as I do. Something should be done to help the bear. Either make it less miserable or send it somewhere where it can be happy, as it tainted what was otherwise a fine day with sadness.

I appreciate you taking my opinion in to consideration.

Kim Arnold



I would have taken more pics of this bear, but I seriously would have started crying. The other one was happily chewing on something in the shade. This one was on the edge of the exhibit, probably hoping every time it turned it would slip and fall in to the ditch they dug to keep him in.

Schizotypal Personality Questionnary (SPQ-A)

Schizotypal Personality Questionnary (SPQ-A)

http://themachine1.110mb.com/spq.html


Ideas of reference: 3 out of 9 (unsure: 1)
Excessive social anxiety: 7 out of 8 (unsure: 0)
Odd beliefs or magical thinking: 0 out of 7 (unsure: 0)
Unusual perceptual experiences: 1 out of 9 (unsure: 0)
Odd or eccentric behavior: 2.5 out of 7 (unsure: 1)
No close friends: 4 out of 9 (unsure: 0)
Odd speech : 3.5 out of 9 (unsure: 0)
Constricted affect: 4.5 out of 8 (unsure: 0)
Suspiciousness: 1 out of 8 (unsure: 0)

Total SPQ-A: 26.5 out of 74

Foiled again

I'm gonna find the procrastination quiz and see if I can ace it. I didn't get much work done today. I was very sleepy. I AM very sleepy.
I'll blog about why some other time. With some pics.

What does it say about me?

What does it say about me that I can't figure out what the hell this chart is trying to tell me about myself? I took this quiz:

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php


it said that I'm oh hell I closed it before I copied the info... 105 NT and 95 Aspie. It said something like I have traits of both, so I didn't get a label. :(

But... this chart. I think I get it... kinda.



A friend asked me if I had ANYTHING wrong with me, so I could consider getting disability and staying home with Sadie. I'm too damned normal for my own good! I'm gonna take a schitzo quiz next. I'll publish the results here.

Lesser of evil topics

My other topic is fresh and annoying, but I'll refrain for now.

My cuz had a bash for her son's high school graduation last Saturday. I went with Mark and we took Sadie after her nap until it was time for her to get ready for bed and then I intended on drinking to the point of not sober when we went back and succeeded.

I have to plan for this. That's something they don't tell you when you are thinking about having a kid - you have to work at getting drunk. You see, I can't stay out late because I have to get up early with the kid and doing so with a hangover really sucks. The last time I drank through sobriety was March 8th. The night I met Mark. I learned the best method was to show up, slam a bunch of shots, sip on a drink or 2 then slam water so I can be home at a decent time with no hangover. Oh, and eat a pb&j when I get home. It worked for me last Saturday at this party. I am way off topic here.

We left at a decent time... midnightish. Around 2am my brothers got in to it.

Jesse is a masochist (he probably does not know this).
Aaron just earned his green belt in Tai Kwan Do and apparently has some anger issues.
Jesse is 5'10" 140 lbs soaking wet.
Aaron is 6'3" 220 lbs.

I was very pissed when I learned that Aaron beat the shit out of Jesse.

Jesse lives in my house, in the basement apartment. I saw the damage and god dammit I was pissed. His ribs were bruised from arm pit to waist. His eye was black. He has bruises and scratched all over him. He was bleeding out of his right ear. His dead fathers wedding band was ripped off of his neck and his earrings were ripped out of his ears - all gone.

Aaron says he is not going to drink any more. This is not the first scene he caused. He gets drunk and all melodramatic. Jesse got in the way and wouldn't back off. He needs to back off the alcohol too. Stupid idiots. I'll kick Aaron's ass if he does this again. Kicking Jesse's ass would satisfy some fucked up need of his.

They BOTH need therapy.

Fuuuuhhhh... blah.

Remember how excited I was? Remember how I rolled in a pile of happiness about getting a new bedroom?

I ordered the furniture on Sunday afternoon. They told me they could have it at that location on Tuesday. I told them I could arrange a pick-up on Wednesday. I ran home and started a 3-4 day rush job to have the room cleared and painted before Wednesday after work. They called on Tuesday to tell me the bedroom set was in. Mom thanked them and told them we would be there tomorrow, Wednesday. I was up until after 1am working on the bedroom, but still had more work to do.

My excitement was carrying me through the hard work of painting 3 layers of three no four different paints over old dingy paint. I left work at noon Wednesday to finish the room, because I wanted everything to be PERFECT! Woo Hoo! A couple friends came over to help touch up and then I was done. Early even! I put the new sheets on the bed and Mark vacuumed. I washed the windows. It was almost time!!

I am sooo impatient, and I had to wait until 5pm for Maxx to come over with the truck. Maxx was held up 'till 5:30, and that 1/2 hour was torture lemme tell ya. Everything came together - I got Maxx, he had a truck, my brother was not working that night and was ready to go and I had Mark with me. We all jumped in 2 cars and went to pick up my furniture WOO HOO!

Fuckers closed their doors for the day for "inventory". Understand there were no cars in the parking lot. Maybe "inventory" was being done at the nearest fucking bar, I dunno. There was a hand written note one the door saying closed Wednesday. Will be open tomorrow. Tomorrow when nothing is going to come together. I wanted to throw a rock through their god damned window.

I was so pissed but I was also kinda crushed. I was sad. I was disappointed. I feel like I was set up. I had to go home and look at that empty room. I lost a 1/2 day of pay to do something I could have done that night. I felt like this always happens and I should never get excited. I know I should never get excited, because something always goes wrong. I was feeling sorry for myself and CRUSHED is a good word. All of my enthusiasm was gone. I don't get enthusiastic very often. And those assholes at TEC killed it in me.

I'm not trying to be a big baby. But I was so frickin happy! The let down hurt. I would have been happy staring in to space for the rest of the night and trying not to cry. Mark was there with me and attempted to cheer me up. I'm sure he said something that would probably make him feel better, like "at least you didn't get sprayed with bear piss", but I was still sad. Is that over the top? Am I supposed to ALWAYS take things in stride? I usually do, but then I usually go through my day without strong emotions, so whats there to be upset about?

Today Maxx was home, and his friend was with him and my brother didn't have to go to work until 5, so I grabbed an empty van from work picked everyone up and got the furniture. It looks nice. Big fucking deal. I think that SUCKS!! Why can't I feel enthusiastic again? I got the furniture! It's in my room. Everything is in it's place, except for the bedding, which is coming the 26th. I just wanna get it over with now. Bah. I have to get all of my stuff back in my room tonight. Maybe I will enjoy it. blah.