I am quite excited to have found this song. I sing it to Sadie often at bath time, tho I couldn't recall how the end of the song went. Now I have it! The only bummer is that I could not find the original Sesame Street version. I'll keep an eye out.
OK, I wrote it out, but am going to delete it, because I suppose it is personal to her. I have no problem sharing my everything pretty much., but I don't know that she wold like me posting her heartfelt letter.
Basically she would like to attempt to bring my father and I back together.
Here is my response, which I can publish because it is mine. :)
I think the best way to respond to your request is to give you my point of view: A few years ago my father gave me everything that he had related to me. Baby pictures, school pictures, and many letters from over the years. My guess of his reason of getting rid of these things was to rid himself of possessions? Maybe to live in the present? Either way I thought it was a bit odd, but ok.
I organized the letters by date and read them in order from oldest to newest. As I read those letters I began to see a pattern. In almost every letter I was reaching out to my father. I was trying to have a dad. I was begging for forgiveness sometimes about some little thing he criticized, such as my handwriting. Every letter was me reaching out and apologizing and begging and hoping to create some sort of father-daughter relationship.
I realized, now, as an adult, that I did everything I could to have a relationship with him. What did he do? Nothing. Did he reach out? Ever make himself vulnerable? No. Who was the adult?? ONE time he took me in. For a year. I believe he did it because he thought it was the best thing for me. That was the worst year of my life to date. I told him that a few years ago and told him I forgave him for it. I have forgiven him, but it doesn’t change the past.
So, after reading those letters I decided that I have tried long enough and hard enough. He had made it very clear to me that he has no interest in being my father and I am okay with that. I really am. I think it is sad and I suppose I feel a little sorry that I never had a daddy, but I have terrific uncles that love me and I can count on them. They are my father figures. They are not afraid of what I want from them. I don’t need Gary and I gotta tell you I was glad to realize that. I have no desire to get to know him better. He and I would not be friends in day to day life, so why try to get to know him? I have left it to him to reach out – which is why we have not spoken in years. It’s really becoming more entertaining to me than distressing at this point.
One time he said to me “what do you think I owe you?” I said “nothing” at the time, but you know I think as a parent, (willing or not) you do owe your child. Every parent is responsible for that life and responsible to raise that child to be the best person they can be. Every child deserves to be loved and nourished and made to feel safe. He is not a parent. I think he is lonely man who has reaped what he has sowed. I’m sorry gramma, but I don’t think he deserves my attention.
I had a hard childhood. Violence, and abuse, and neglect were common sometimes. I was poorly treated by my father, though perhaps better than my father was treated by his father. I saw horrible things and was in adrenalin inducing situations often before I lived with him. Now I am an adult and it is my choice to either learn from their mistakes or become a victim. I have chosen to be strong. I have dealt with my issues. I went to therapy. I put my daughter FIRST. I think twice about every decision I make for her. I am raising her to be the best person she can be. I really don’t think I can understand how someone cannot do that as a parent. I lost even more respect for him since I had Sadie. How could he ignore me, his only child?
Honestly, I do not wish him ill. He has his issues and I think he will always be self centered and lonely. There is nothing I can do about that. He has nothing to offer me as a father as it is too late, and he has given me no reason to like him as a person. Does he even care that he has a granddaughter? It boggles my mind, truly, that he can sit there and ignore his only granddaughter. I feel sorry for him. She is amazing.
Gramma, please do not worry about me and Gary. Well, go ahead and worry about him, as he is your son – hehe. I am happy with life, and strong. I love you. I know you are trying to help. Thank you.
I have not sent it yet. I think it is good and Mark said it was good. I don't want to hurt my gramma, but I gotta tell her how it is. Writing this was a bit cathartic too. I'm not surprised, but I am surprised. Anyway, I'll prob read it again in the morning and see if I still want to send it. I kinda want him to read it... should I put that in there?
Update: the letter was sent the next day. I spoke with gramma on the phone. The subject is dropped. She spoke with him and my understanding is that he is not willing to put himself out there to see me or his grandchild. I am not surprised. Drama over.
I am not going to dwell on why Mark got a response and I didn't. He used my letter and just changed a few words to personalize it to him. I am satisfied with the response, tho it is still a sad situation.
Thank you for your email and for sharing your concern for the animals at the Detroit Zoo. I appreciate that you’ve asked about the bear you witnessed pacing, and apologize for the delay in getting back to you.
Several of the bears at the Detroit Zoo (including one of the black bears and the Syrian brown bear who lives with the black bears) have been rescued from private owners or other captive conditions that were inadequate and which, unfortunately, caused them to develop some coping behaviors, like pacing. Once they develop these behaviors they will often exhibit them periodically throughout their lives, for reasons we can’t always perceive. The Detroit Zoo’s bear habitats were built in the late 1920’s and were originally constructed of concrete. We have added natural substrate, grasses, shrubs and trees to make them more complex and appropriate environments for bears. The Zoo’s environmental enrichment program is one of the most progressive and active programs in any zoo and the bears are a priority because of the stereotypical behaviors that some of the bears demonstrate. We have an aggressive and proactive enrichment program for the bears, which includes providing them with food they must forage to find (as they would in nature) toys and other objects they can manipulate and investigate and rotation of the groups of bears among the different habitats. Bears are intelligent animals adapted to live in large complex environments, and allowing them to move among the habitats on a random (not set) schedule allows them to experience a larger “home range”. All of these things will probably not keep the bears who have developed coping behaviors in their former facilities/conditions from falling back into them at times, but we constantly monitor the bears’ activities and conditions and modify the enrichment plans to respond and adapt to the bears’ conditions.
Environmental enrichment cannot take the place of a habitat with the space and complexity these intelligent animals need, which is why plans are in place to create expansive new habitats for bears as part of the master plans for the Detroit Zoo and Belle Isle Nature Zoo. The master plan for the Belle Isle Nature Zoo includes a new, much larger habitat for black bears. Our master plans are progressive and quite ambitious, and obviously can’t be implemented all at one time due to both costs and the logistical ability to renovate everything at one time. In the meantime we are focused on making sure that the animals living here get the absolute best care possible and live in habitats that are dynamic and enriched.
Thanks, again, for your email and your concern for animals,
Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Neutral Good.
Neutral Good: A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. The common phrase for neutral good is "true good." Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias toward or against order.
Cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss cool green moss. Sunset in the mountains sunrise in the mountains trees on the mountains animals on the mountains bubbling streams cool clear water cool clear water cool clear water.
I feel sick to my stomach and really stressed out.
Me crying pisses me off, so I'm not going to do that. Feeling pissed is not an emotion I want to add to this.
Work sucks. I am under valued and under paid and right now I'm over worked.
And Mark needs to bring me some flowers or something, but it's supposed to be his idea. Hmf. Oh well.
These Are Your Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire Results
Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire
Results: the results of this psychological quiz are described below.
Total score of: 3 (0-15 Major/unipolar depression)
Individuals with total scores of 15 or less are most likely suffering from Major (unipolar) Depression. (Remember, this quiz assumes that you are 18 or over and have had at least one depression severe enough to have caused you distress and/or interfered with you functioning at home, work, school or in your interpersonal relationships.)
yeah yeah I know. But whats more depressing: being depressed for no reason or being really depressed because every sexual sensation in your body had been drugged in to a coma?
You have answered this self-report questionnaire in such a way as to suggest that you do not likely currently suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder. You should not take this as a diagnosis or recommendation for treatment in any way, though.
S C O R E S If you scored... 12 & up OCD is likely 8 - 11 OCD is probable 0 - 7 OCD is unlikely
Here are some pics from our July 6th, 2008 visit to the Detroit Zoo. In retrospect, I wish I has taken more pictures of US, Cassie, Carl, Malachai, Mark, Sadie, and myself, but I was concentrating on pics of the animals, thinking Kai would enjoy seeing the pics of the animals he saw during his visit. He is 2 and very smart and inquisitive. Sadie, on the other hand, has probably already forgotten our outing.
On Sunday, July 6th, 2008 I visited the Detroit Zoo for the first time. It was an enjoyable experience, except for the black bear exhibit. I was very upset by the repetitious pacing of one of the bears. I don't know the psychology behind the pacing, but I feel certain that that bear was disturbed. I want you to know that I had to turn away from that bear and hold back tears. My daughter did not know that there was anything wrong, but I think many of your adult guests feel as I do. Something should be done to help the bear. Either make it less miserable or send it somewhere where it can be happy, as it tainted what was otherwise a fine day with sadness.
I appreciate you taking my opinion in to consideration.
I would have taken more pics of this bear, but I seriously would have started crying. The other one was happily chewing on something in the shade. This one was on the edge of the exhibit, probably hoping every time it turned it would slip and fall in to the ditch they dug to keep him in.
Ideas of reference: 3 out of 9 (unsure: 1) Excessive social anxiety: 7 out of 8 (unsure: 0) Odd beliefs or magical thinking: 0 out of 7 (unsure: 0) Unusual perceptual experiences: 1 out of 9 (unsure: 0) Odd or eccentric behavior: 2.5 out of 7 (unsure: 1) No close friends: 4 out of 9 (unsure: 0) Odd speech : 3.5 out of 9 (unsure: 0) Constricted affect: 4.5 out of 8 (unsure: 0) Suspiciousness: 1 out of 8 (unsure: 0)
Total SPQ-A: 26.5 out of 74
I'm gonna find the procrastination quiz and see if I can ace it. I didn't get much work done today. I was very sleepy. I AM very sleepy. I'll blog about why some other time. With some pics.
it said that I'm oh hell I closed it before I copied the info... 105 NT and 95 Aspie. It said something like I have traits of both, so I didn't get a label. :(
But... this chart. I think I get it... kinda.
A friend asked me if I had ANYTHING wrong with me, so I could consider getting disability and staying home with Sadie. I'm too damned normal for my own good! I'm gonna take a schitzo quiz next. I'll publish the results here.