Fasting

I have to fast for about 30 hours for a colonoscopy. Everyone who has had to fast this long has told me how horrible it is going to be. The colonoscopy is the easy part according to them.

I decided I wanted to try to look at it as a positive fast. A lot of people fast for spiritual purposes. I am not very spiritual. haha - maybe I will be after a fast! Maybe I will like the way I feel and will want to continue for a couple more days. There is a lot of information online. The groups advocating fasting are a lil bit odd, but hey, I like odd.

So, I begin my fast Sunday morning. Clear liquids only. Monday afternoon is the procedure. I can do this.

I want my mindset to be positive, not miserable and whiny. Wish me luck!

Oh, did I mention I have to take some hard core laxitives? Woo Hoo!!!!

Mark wants to fast with me. Isn't he sooo cool?

Life is boring 'till it becomes tha past - FT. Lauderdale

I was talking to Mark last night and told him a little story that took place in Kansas City, MO.

I think I have been bored pretty much my whole life. Does everyone feel like that? I have a very unremarkable life. Yes, I have moved a lot, suffered, loved, learned, played, experimented... but it's just life and if it's happening, it's normal and pretty much booooring. Then, many years later the experiences become stories and sometimes interesting, well at least to me.

I feel like wasting some time and telling a tale, but I can't think of a good one. Hmmm.... Ft. Lauderdale? OK

I lived with my Uncle Don and gramma when I was 10. No Wait, I was living with... my mom and Gary - for the summer. Uncle Don partnered up with Joe and started a home improvement business in Woodhaven, MI. Apparently Joe was a cokehead and they committed some sort of tax fraud and I believe there may have been a fire at the end. Uncle Don packed up and moved down to Ft. Lauderdale. The summer between 5th and 6th grade we packed up some shitty old van and a pickup truck with a cap and headed down to FL. There was mom, Gary (Aarons Dad), Gramma, brothers Jesse and Aaron, and myself.
God, the trip is a story in itself. We towed the packed pickup with the van, everything full to the top... reminds me of the Beverly hillbillies moving scene. We overheated constantly as soon as we got to the smoky mountains. It was the middle of the summer, south, and we ran the heat at full blast to keep driving a little longer before we had to stop and cool the van off. Gary was a prick and insisted on silence while he drove. I was 10, Jesse was 6 and Aaron was 6 months old. The drive from Michigan to Florida took forEVER, but finally we arrived to our efficiency motel, where we lived for the next 6 months or so. It was 1 room, with 7 people. Plus the palmetto bugs, of course.

Gosh, that was long enough, eh? Maybe I will tell another Ft. Lauderdale story tomorrow, as I have a butload of work to do.

Shark Club Letter

I am not a writer. I know this and I know this is not well written, tho I think the content is good. I sent this to the Shark Club a couple days ago. No response yet.

FYI to Management,

My boyfriend and I have been frequenting the Shark Club for several months on Friday nights, ever since our first date there. We, along with the friends we occasionally brought with us, feel that the fish in your aquariums are depressing. You have great roomy tanks with beautiful fish, but absolutely no habitat, besides the rocks. They look miserable. We mentioned this to your waitstaff, who said they would pass along our concerns, but I got the impression that we were not the first people to complain and that the manager did not care what the customers thought... it's easier and cheaper to continue doing nothing.

We cannot in good conscience continue to give our money to an establishment that does not care about the animal life they use as a gimmick to bring in more business. The tanks are great. The fish are great. Put some plants in there and your customers will find the tanks pleasant, rather than depressing. Please let us know when you brighten the tanks. We would love to come back.

Kim Arnold

OK

OK, I'm feeling better, despite my lack of sleep and feeling like I'm getting sick.
Mark and I had a good, productive conversation last night. I sure do love him. And he's cuter than ever since he shaved off his 70's porn star/used car salesman mustache.

Look, here is John Holmes posing as a used car salesman!




IM JUST SAYIN IS ALL!

I think too much

Or maybe I don't think enough. Sometimes it seems like my day is full of a bunch of nothing. I try to think of something smart to write about here, but nothing smart is happening. I don't care and then again it bothers me. I am having a reflective day and my reflection bores me.
An old high school friend contacted me via facebook. He was troubled as a teen. He still battles depression, but has a successful life. He owns his own business and enjoys what he does. He finished art school, something I failed to do, and designs furniture now. He has a website and everything. I guess it makes me feel kinda lame. What have I accomplished? What can I accomplish? The important question, I think, is what do I want to do? I don't have an answer. So here I sit. Less depressed than my old friend, with not much to show for it. I'm just gettin by. The only really cool thing I did of worth is bring Sadie in to this world and any chick with working plumbing can do that.
Blah! OK, well, I will play trivia tonight, and hopefully get in to a better mood. Right now I'm kinda feeling like an ass. Hey... maybe I need to get outside more. Get some frickin SUN.

Let's Go Red Wings!

We are in the finals for the Stanley Cup. Go Red Wings - who's your daddy - go Red Wings... The first game is on Saturday. I look forward to watching!
Maybe I will suggest that Rob host a Wings party since he has the big fancy TV.
Monday is Memorial Day. I actually get the day off! Mom wants to have people over for BBQ. I told her I would be agreeable as long as Mark and maybe Aaron take care of the BBQ part. I dislike hosting dinner parties. Too stressful. My mom gets really stressed out too, but apparently she likes it, maybe for that reason. Sick I say.
Hmmm... Trivia with friends tomorrow night and Trivia with Mark Friday night. Trivia Thursday night too come to think of it, for Jessica's birthday. So... tonight is my only free night. I already promised to help mom download MP3's onto her new player.
I am a little tired. Mark and I did some catching up last night... and this morning.
The shed was less than exciting. It's just so big and solid and permanent in her yard. The owner is another sad case of foreclosure in the state of Michigan. Plus she was just kinda off. I like the idea of having one built on my property instead.
I finished my book on the Holocaust, and am now reading about the Autism spectrum, Aspergers Syndrome in particular. Interesting stuff. I think the world might be a better place if more people had this syndrome, tho I can see how it might be frustrating to have it.

Looking forward

Today should be a good day.
One reason is that I am going to get a significant amount of work done at work. Yes I am... right after I finish this blog. I have read my email, checked myspace and bought a bunch of friends. I also caught up on my co-workers weekends.
I am looking forward to looking at a shed someone wants to sell me. 12x12 barn style I think. I am so excited to have a shed in my yard! I'm going to clean the yard and make it nice for Sadie!
Then, Mark is coming over and my mom is going to cut his hair. Don't worry Mark, my mom finished beauty school. It was like... 37 years ago, but still. Plus it grows back AND it has been a long time since she snipped my skin. hehe
Finally, I think we will probably watch a movie... maybe 40 Year Old Virgin, which Mark has not seen.
Also, I have a few things to make up for from last week. I will get mine! mmmwah!

Ok... chat w Mark on the IM then off to work!!!

Fuck It

I'm over the flabby blabby blog. It's been 2 weeks and has not changed anything for me. What has been helping a little is looking at the nutritional information of the fast food I order, or almost order and I was already doing that. The only thing that blog was doing was depressing me a little. Today my co-workers chose Del Taco for lunch. I checked the info on the burger I wanted... 39 g fat! So then I looked at this burrito... 62 g of fat I shit you not. So, I chose rice, beans and 2 small soft tacos. 27 g fat and filling.
I have had a headache most of today, and it's building, so I'm not thinkin' about much else.

PMS

It sucks dick. It sucks a whole bag of dicks.





Bring back Lucky Louie!!

I wanna go to Disneyland

Yeah, you heard me. I love amusement parks. I suppose Cedar Point would work. I gotta check the fat-ass limits and diet accordingly:

Due to rider restraint system requirements, guests of exceptional size may not be accommodated on some of our rides. This may apply, but not be limited to, men who exceed 6’2”, or those who exceed 225 pounds, have a 40” waistline or 52” chest or females who exceed 200 pounds or wear size 18 or larger. Each person has different body proportions so it is not possible to list exact size and weight.


Dang. Lets try Disney:

I gave up. Either they don't have limits, or they want you to find out once it's too late and they already have your money.

Wella... Maybe I should set a weight loss goal and if I accomplish the goal I get to go to Cedar Point... tho then I still have to figure out how to pay for it. I'll send Mark some more job leads... :D Love you Mark!

Dreamland

I slept through the night last night and took a nap this morning when Sadie went down and THEN took ANOTHER nap this afternoon. I actually had had enough sleep so I had some memorable dreams. That is a rarity when you have a 1 year old.

The first one I remember was I was sleeping in bed and Mark was next to me. Warm and comforting. He wasn't supposed to be at my house this day, but there he was - naked and snuggled next to me. It was such a nice surprise and I was even happier knowing that he made the effort to come out just because he needed to be with me. I asked him why he was here and he said he didn't know, like it just kinda happened. It didn't really matter that he couldn't express why because I knew why.

Then: I was in my car with my mom and we were getting close to an old neighborhood where we lived in a motel for about 1/2 a year in Ft. Lauderdale. (yes we did for real). I wanted to go see the old place and mom was agreeable. It was dusk and as we approached our street I started becoming anxious. I'm not sure why. It was a seedy place but I had as many good memories as bad. Anyway, I recognized the landmarks and found the motel. We got out and explored. I love dreams that remind you of stuff you forgot. I walked behind the motel and approached the edge of the canal, but couldn't get too close to the edge, just like when I was 10, for fear of falling in. I kept my eye open for prostitutes, but I guess they must have cleaned the place up a bit because it was not as seedy as it used to be and as a matter of fact there was a little gift shop next door, which is where I was when my mom woke me up. I tried to get back to the dream, as I don't recall going back to that motel before in a dream and most of my dreams are in recurring places, but it didn't work - of course.

Maybe I'll go to bed at a decent time tonight and dream again! Woo hoo!

The Jews made me cry

I'm reading this book - The Courage to Care:

"A companion volume to the film of the same title, this collection of personal testimonies of rescuers and survivors recounts some of the heroic activities of non-Jews on behalf of Jews in various European countries during the Holocaust. Elegantly crafted with old pictures of the principals, this engaging but all-to-brief book provides a refreshingly uplifting record of truly compassionate people willing to risk their lives for their fellows. While some attribute their actions to parental upbringing, others to religious or humanitarian impulses, most see their rescue efforts as unspectacular and natural. Greenberg provides a historical overview and Wiesel and others reflect on why some took risks while most did not. This will appeal to scholars and laypersons alike."

We have all seen pictures and film of emaciated victims of the Nazis and the piles of bodies in shallow graves. It's all very fucked up and horrible, but I'm kinda used to it, you know? I'm reading this book with first hand accounts of what motivated people to save the lives of some of the Jews they encountered, and it just broke my heart as it did theirs. Fuckers made me cry.

A sympathizer sees: The final moments before death a man with his son are in a long line to a pit of bodies that they will join. The fathers face is without emotion. His 10 year old boy was weeping. The image of this man stroking the hair of his son as they shuffle closer to slaughter... I'm crying again. At work. Fuck. Anyway, no parent should feel what that man felt. And he was in line with so many others doing the same thing. I guess I'm putting myself in his place. There are so many other storys. I cried a couple times last night. I have to keep reading. I must witness. They deserve that at least.

Walking Dead

Zuh om bay zuh om bay zuh om bay ay ay ay oh oh oh...

I took a couple Bayer headache aspirin, so the caffeine should kick in soon and get me through the work day. I feel like I smoked a fat joint 'cause my eyelids are impossibly heavy.

Mark and I are both light sleepers, which means every time one of us moves we both wake up.

I have been breaking out of my dreams and telling him a little something that makes no sense to him or me the next day. I just remember telling him something. Interesting.

And then there's the close contact, which is a bit too stimulating for sleeping, but I am getting used to it. At least once a night the stimulation is too much for poor Mark and then we end up fully awake, which then makes it hard to get back to sleep. There are worse problems.

Finally, there's the snoring. He snores lightly occasionally. It's not that bad. I use the Breathe Right strips, which usually work very well. When they don't I keep Mark awake and he wakes me up every 2 minutes so I will stop snoring. Last night I vaguely remember telling him to use ear plugs 'cause one of us should get some sleep. Poor guy.

Come on caffeine! I gots some work to do!

No work today!

I mean, I showed up at 8ish. I left at 5ish. I just didn't do any actual work. I brought Sadie with me then took her to her 12 month well baby visit. She didn't grow much! 24 1/2 lbs, 30 in. 3 shots and 1 blood draw. That sucked. Dropped her off at daycare and by then it was time for lunch. Ate. Went to the hospital to visit my Friend, Shultz, who had a heart attack. Back at work. I've been fucking around. Oh, I dealt with some work stuff and checked work email and bought work groceries and bid on a work phone on eBay... but I didn't get anything off of my desk. And now here I am wasting the last 10 minutes. Too bad so sad.

I am beat. I didn't sleep well last night after I woke up around 3:30. Luckily Mark was awake too. OK, technically I woke him up. He didn't complain.

I have no plans for the evening and lots of stuff to do but I don't see myself doing a whole lot but waiting for Sadie to go to bed so I can veg and go to bed early. Yaaaaawn!

Weekend

I had a good/busy/stressful weekend.

Good: Saw Iron Man with Mark on Friday. I had so much to do for Sadie's birthday party that I should not have gone, but I wanted to. I made the bourbon chicken marinate beforehand and we still made it before the movie started. Had sex throughout the weekend. Sex is guuud.
Busy: I am a procrastinator. I usually throw evening parties and can prepare that day. Sadie's party was for 25 people who showed up at my house at 11:30 am. I was not prepared. The BBQ was not set up, due to the BBQ man being in the hospital for an MRI, and his wife,my cousin lost her grandmother. Then their son got things going and burned the shit out of the chicken. I guess Bourbon is hard to cook and also, I just learned that it should have been started 2 hours earlier. Wait... I'm getting ahead of myself... that goes in the stressful category. I baked 2 cakes after the movie. 2 cakes before the parry. Macaroni salad before the party. Cleaned. Baked beans... you know... a bunch of party stuff I was not prepared for.
Stressful would be having a house full of hungry people with not enough food. Dang it! The chicken was ready after everyone left. It was eaten at the "survival" party later that night.
Saturday night, after a little nap (and sex hu huh), we went to Stevies for the survival party.

Mark explored his semi naturalist side after only a couple beers. Most of my friends need more liquid confidence, but he comes by it naturally I guess. Mark had to work early the next morning so I was one of the first people to leave my own party! Not that I'm complaining. I was tired and wasn't very stimulated at the party, aside from Mark that is.

Sunday... a lazy day. Napped when Sadie napped. Looked at sheds at Home Depot, bought annuals, pulled some tulip bulbs from the lawn, played w Sadie outside. Caught up on some DVR'd shows. Boring, but good.

Tonight we have a movie night planned for Jesse's new flat screen in my basement. True Romance. Mark has never seen it! Oh so good!

Friday at last!

Happy birthday to Sadie. My lovely daughter is one year old today.
I have 25 people coming to an 11:30 am BBQ tomorrow. Yikes!
I am going to the movies tonight, despite my better judgement because it sounds like fun and I am in to fun. We are going to see Iron Man. I'm not a comic book movie type, but I love Robert Downey Jr., so it's all good.
I also have to grocery shop for the BBQ, make macaroni salad, make bourbon chicken marinade, bake a big cake for guests and a special one for Sadie. I have to clean my house. It will rain tomorrow, so we will be inside. I don't like being responsible for the happiness of 25 guests! OK, so now that I have freaked myself I will get to list making and organize my thoughts and my day and everything will be ooooo kaaaay. Mark will help me a bit before the movie too. Thanks Mark!

A nice day

I had a nice day/night with Mark. I don't like going too long without intimacy with him. I missed him. Gah... I'm such a chick. Maybe his employment issue will bring him closer to me. Hopefully something good will come out of a stressful situation. Oh, and add handles stress well to his list of things I am grateful for. Oh, and FYI... I am aware of his faults too. Just thought I'd say that so he doesn't think he's on a pedestal and had to live up to unreasonable expectations.

My brother was an ass to Stacie at Chatters from what I hear. I'm sorry I tried to set them up. I had no idea he was so fucked up. We left as Stacie was arriving. I heard him come home with her and fun noises coming from his room. This morning I yelled down "wakey wakey! anybody wanna get up and go to work?" and Jesse mumbled, I assumed to Stacie. I said "Stacie... time for work!" She is my assistant. Jesse mumbled some more... and I realize he's whispering "It's not Stacie". Oh. I just walked away. Can you say awkward? Stacie is cool. He is a fucked up ass. Sorry Stacie!