Monday, February 9, 2009

Can't sleep

I can't sleep because something is on my mind. And maybe the T3's I took are keeping me awake instead of putting me to sleep.

First of all I want to say that I don't quite understand why I care about what people think of me, yet I also don't care what people think of me. I kept going over it and over it as I lay in bed. I am confident in my self as a good person, so when people judge me negatively I say fuck them if they can't take a joke. No one is perfect and we are all a little annoying, but I'm good and if you think otherwise fuck you. But still... I want to be liked.

My boyfriends friends think I am a domineering bitch. They don't know me well and as far as I know are only basing this on the fact that he doesn't hang with them on karaoke night any more at the bar. He has class that night ever week and no, I did not help him chose his schedule. He has gone to everything he was invited to except for one party which he wasn't feeling up to.

I have never said you can't see this person, or you can't go to that party. If anything I push him to go have fun. I trust him fully. Stay the night if he wants to drink and go crazy is what I say. We used to leave the karaoke bar around 11pm, because I had to get up early the next day. He could have driven separately, but likes to go to bed with me. Sorry guy pals. On the weekends we always had to leave the partys early because he had to get up early. My friends still talk to him.

I don't want to get in depth about our relationship dynamics for the sake of his privacy. It may be obvious by now that I don't consider a whole lot of my personal life too private to share. I'll just say that we play the same roles that play out in every relationship, and it works for us for the most part.

So, I'm ok and he's ok but I still feel the need to explain myself to these people and make them realize that they have made a mistake and they should like me. It bothers me that it bothers me. And on top of that I don't know that I can like them, now that they judged me so quickly.

5 comments:

I'm Scooter, but I might be a troll. said...

Your concerns are valid and normal, and I am disappointed and sadddened by my firend's poor behavior. If they continue to be jerks, well, it isn't like I don't have lots and lots of other friends.

Of course, I would like everything to be fine and for a unicorn to shit out a rainbow, but...

none said...

I know it probably won't make you feel any better about it, but I wen't through the same thing with a couple of Cody's friends when we first got married because thery thought I made him quit partying and quit the drugs, I didn't, he made that choice for us to have a relationship. His friends eventually got over it, but when he quit drinking, it all started over again and with his family included this time.

I think when a person re-prioritizes their lives, the people who don't like it just need someone to blame for it. Mabye to rationalize their why they haven't done the same things in their lives. Sometimes It's eazier to say "She made him do it." instead of "Why haven't I done that". they'll eventually get over it, expecially if Mark never talks negative about you or your relationship to those people and sticks up for you when they do. They'll realize eventually why he made the choices he did, till then just be you, they'll come around.

Anonymous said...

I don't know the people you are talking about but I get the feeling that they are barflies. I know they are Marks friends and it is important to everyone to feel liked especially by your significant others friends and family....but do you really care what a bunch of barflies think? Are these people that have wonderful lives, loving relationships, great homes, flourishing careers? My guess is no. You two are moving toward a common goal and that is having a loving family. Mark is working hard to be able to be a provider for that family. Keep your eye on the prize. The people that fall by the wayside along the way didn't belong with you on your journey in the first place.....

Krissyface said...

I had a problem like that with a boyfriend once.

Once.



Nah, I'm only kidding. Seriously, it takes a lot of self confidence and inner strength to say fuck em if they can't take a joke and never, ever be affected by what other people think. If you figure out how to do it let me know.
I think you're on the right track tho.

Andrea said...

I couldn't have said it better than Angie. I agree totally. When people grow up, going to the bar three nights a week is no longer a priority. They either feel abandoned by Mark, or like he is "selling out", or maybe they are jealous that he has what they don't. Either way if they are judging you because of HIS actions, they are douches.
It is a well known fact by everything that knows you that you're not a bitch. Hell, if I can come talk to you about your own brother and you still can be unbiased, I think you're good.
Thanks by the way. :)

Did they actually say verbatim "domineering bitch"?