I got just back from visiting gramma. Her eyes were open and she was awake. I leaned over and said hi, gramma it's Kim. She can't see, and you still have to yell even though she has hearing aids. She didn't react, and I realized her hearing aid was missing. The poor woman is in darkness and deafness but can still feel like shit. I counldn't help but cry. Couldn't she still hear me and know that I was there holding her had and maybe draw some comfort? Did they think it was too much trouble to keep her hearing aids in? I called mom and she said she didn't know what was going on, but since she's usually out of it, why bother? I found it in a box, broken. I was going to put it in while I was there. She was awake and when I stroked her forehead she tried to look and tried to talk. I wanted to talk to her, and she was awake, but couldn't hear me. I checked her other ear and the hearing aid was in and I told her it was me and she tried to talk and all I could do was hold her hand and cry. I wish I knew what she was trying to say.
7 comments:
Please know that this comment is meant with honest concern and good intentions. I do hope that this does not give you a negative feeling towards me because I know that this is a very personal matter.
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I had to do it with my mom who passed from cancer in 2000 and just last year with my grandmother. I was there when she past and it was tearing my heart out. It was so hard for me to see her because I knew what was coming, but my wife kept making me go and I can not thank her enough for it. PLEASE go spend time with your family, all of them, every chance that you get. There is an old saying that rings true and it is, "Nothing is more expensive than regret". Please go see your gramma every chance you get so that you wont regret not going.
I rarely take things the wrong way. I'm lucky like that. I appreciate you taking the time to write. I will keep visiting, but I know I will feel like it's a waste when she is no longer concious. Then she is gone and there is just a shell. She's not even drinking water anymore.
That's what happened to my grandmother. And I was in hell trying to decide if pulling the feeding tube was the right thing to do. I know that she didn't want it, but it was so hard for me to overlook my selfish wants and do what she wanted. I never wanted my grandmother or my mom to go, who does right? I know there is nothing that I can say that you haven't heard already, but being in simular shoes previously I have an idea of what you are going through and if there is anything that I can do for you, give me a shout.
i love you
I am sorry Kim.
I wish there was something nice and flowery to say here that would make everything better and put rose tinted glasses on it all.
Consider yourself hugged through a blog comment.
Sorry.
I love you.
I'm sure what she was trying to say was "Its ok honey, Don't be scared, I love you" ::hugs::
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