I'm not exactly sure what to do now. Gramma has cancer all through her. I remember it was liver, kidney, blood, bone, stomach and I forget the rest or if there was more. The Dr. says she has a couple weeks maybe. So, what now?
I've never lost someone this close to me. I think my mom and uncles will handle arrangements. The only thing I can think to do is visit her. I plan to visit her for some time each day during work hours. She's just a couple miles away. But What if she's out of it? She was pretty spacey in the hospital and she will be doped up now, so... what am I supposed to do there? Sit with her dying body?
Gramma's death has been one of those things that I have thought about many times over the years. It was the only thought that could bring me to tears instantly - until I had a daughter.
I'm not exactly sure what losing her will mean to my life, or what the big deal is. She doesn't have a profound effect on my life. She has lived in a nursing home for a few years now. I visit when I can/want to, maybe once every week or two with Sadie. I think maybe why losing her is so hard is that she has always been there. Wherever she was was my home. I moved a million times, but the feeling of home was always with her. I lived in Florida during high school, but always came home to stay with her in Michigan.
On the upside my mother is turning in to her (hehe sorry ma), so she won't be entirely gone.
Test post
4 months ago
4 comments:
i could tell ya some things but ultimately i'm not sure how helpful that would be.
one thing though - yes, sit with her dying body. even if it seems futile. say whatever you have to say if you have anything to say at all. but tell her it is okay for her to go. meaning - sometimes people struggle to stay alive because their loved ones are there. of course all that is just an opinion - what makes sense to me and might mean diddle squat to you.
at the risk of being hokey. she won't be entirely gone anyway - she's a part of you which will be both a comfort and a great source of pain.
Kim... I always have thought of it like this, My grandfather will one day die, my father will take his place, and I will take my father's place. That brings me some comfort. Cassie is wise, as well.
I love you. I will listen if you want to talk about this.
I'm sorry about your gramma. I hope the times you have together are sweet and lucid. *hugs*
Kim, I think it's beautiful that you're able to use this time to reflect and work through things with your writing. Also it's fortunate that you have however many weeks to spend with your gramma before she passes. Watching someone die is terribly sad, but it can also be an occasion to celebrate her life and make sure she is not forgotten. Also a good opportunity to teach Sadie about making the most of every day...ok, I have strong feelings about this. Stay strong!
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