I was driving down Middlebelt road dreaming about the fantastic new restaurant I could open at the old Dairy King, when the traffic came to a halt. The accident was at Joy, which is where I was turning, so I continued on, hoping the cars were still there so I could see. I always feel bad for wanting to see, but I want to see. I want to see a car reduced to a chunk of car bits. I want to see the owners of the cars standing around, unhurt, of course.
I arrived at the scene within a couple of minutes just as the wreckers were getting in to position. A sedan was pushed up under the backside of a large pick-up. There was also a minivan quite damaged on the other side of the intersection. I came up with my theory on how the accident happened, based on the damage and position of the vehicles. I guess I like to do that.
Then I found myself choking on tears. What's up with that. It happens every time I see an accident scene now that I think about it. It is very upsetting for me to actually see an accident happen.
So my theory on what is goin on in my head, because I really have no idea:
I am empathizing with the victims of the accident. It is life changing to be in an accident. I must really have been upset by my car accident back in KC. That was a very traumatic incident for me. I can't think of anything else that I can empathize so much with that it brings me to tears. Actually, I have fantasies about accidents. It often involves Sadie and I and Sadie is ok, but I am dying and yelling "is Sadie ok?". If the idea of Sadie being killed in the accident enters my brain it is automatically followed by my suicide. Sorry guys. Anyway, I guess seeing the accidents kinda takes me back to my accident. There was blood and ambulances and pain and shock. I was out of it for much of it, thought Jesse said we were talking. That accident taught me that life can be horribly altered within seconds. It taught me that it can come out of no where, and sometimes there isn't even a second to mentally prepare. That was the most disturbing to me. I didn't see it coming. It could happen again and there's noting I can do about it. Maybe seeing the accident on the way to pick up Sadie today reminded me.
Test post
4 months ago
3 comments:
um, what do you mean you THINK that accident is the reason??? you were the only one of us to have a car and it sat for nearly a year because you couldn't bring yourself to drive it. point in fact if it weren't for my constant pushing who knows how long it would have been. and no, i'm not looking for a pat on the back. i did it for me!!! :)
now for a little psychology - i think the more interesting fact is why you are drawn to go look at them knowing that it is going to make you unhappy. my theory is it's your subconscious trying to force you to deal with something unresolved. not necessarily that accident but all that suppression you engage in. but, hey, what the hell do i know.
if sadie dies and you kill yourself. i will understand. i will miss you but i know if my kid died the only thing that would stop me from killing myself would be another kid.
you also dream of opening a restaurant huh?
It's natural to want to look at the accidents. I think we all do. I look in case there is someone I can help... although I know very little about emergency nursing, it would be nice to help.
If you open a restuarant at the Dairy King and need a staff nurse I will gladly apply.
I do similar blubbering when I hear about someone I don't know dying or being diagnosed with cancer or some other terrible disease. I just figured I have turned into a big huge PUSSY!!!
Anyways....maybe I will come and work at the Dairy King too...can I? can I? can I?
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