Bulemia!

Why have I not done this before?
I had a lunch of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn and a salad. I at almost all of it. It was good so I didn't stop when my tummy told me to. I feel uncomfortably pregnant with food. There is NO space left!
I should just run to the bathroom and throw it up! I pretend to do that all the time anyway, with soup leftovers, so no one would even know it was real! And then I could eat the ice cream Stacie forced me to order. Seriously, I had no choice. I can't possibly eat a bite of it because I am SO FULL.
So, again, why don't I start purging my meals? I will be able to indulge my food cravings and eat as much as I want. All I have to do is the one thing that I find just about impossible to do. Have you ever tried to throw up after drinking too much? Your stomach is churning and burning and you know you'd feel so much better if you just got rid of it? I have stuck my hand in my mouth and looked at the grossest splat of nastiness in my toilet and as soon as I force myself to gag I try harder to keep it down. I didn't throw up once when I was pregnant - until my water broke. That was weird, but I digress.
What's the worse that can happen? I get bad teeth and skinny and eventually have to go to vomiters rehab? Actually I just had a better idea. Cocaine. Crack. Whatever kids these days do to get high and stay skinny. I should enjoy the ride, right? Screw throwing up. I hate throwing up. Lotsa people like meth and crack and I'm sure there's all kinds of cool drugs out there to lose weight on. Speaking of drugs... Sadie messed up my thyroid, so it is under active. They started me on a low dose of something or other to fix that. Why don't fat people just junkie up on thyroid meds?
This heath bar blizzard is pretty good.